Earning It || KSJ 🔞

Chapter 3: Hate You, Love You

Kwon Boram's POV

No matter how many improvements were seen in his actions in a short span of time, the fear within me ㅡ that everything will just turn out to be something too good to be true ㅡ remains. The what-ifs inside my head kept on bugging me, and undeniably, his past actions have been planted in my mind so long that their roots had gone deeper down into my head ㅡ They're not easy to remove.

Still, I wonder, what if he hurts me again? What if he chooses to push me away just like how he chose to do it after he allowed his trauma to take the best of him? I still don't even know the whole story behind his trauma yet here I am, allowing myself to fall deeper into his spell again.

I love him, and I did say that he deserves a second chance, but am I really making the right choice? What we have now is a real risk with predictable outcomes which are either ending up in a healthy and good relationship or hurting each other. The latter, at the moment, is what's running inside my mind. I'm scared of getting hurt by him again, but if I don't take the risk, I mean, it still won't lead us to anything aside from the regret of 'what if we tried?'

I heaved a sigh as I stared at my reflection in the mirror here inside the restroom of our school. I just finished retouching my makeup since Jin and I are going somewhere. He said we'll go out for dinner tonight and I'm just not sure what kind of dinner he is talking about.

Jin has been consistently texting me, not that it's something new because we often did that before, and he would drive me to school or take me home, but that's not also something new. Aside from his promise to my mom, I just think that there's no more progress in terms of the area where he promised to improve himself.

I know him, but I still don't know him enough. But it's just the beginning. We only started what we have not long ago, so what I can do right now is wait for him to have the courage to tell me what he can.

"Are you okay?" Daisy asked as she stared at me through the mirror while she walked towards me from one of the cubicles. She must have noticed my down mood due to the things that have been running inside my head.

"Yeah."

"Stop lying. What's up?' She began washing her hands on the sink beside me.

"It's not that serious. I'm just thinking about what's happening between me and Jin."

"Why? Are things going complicated again?"

"No." I shook my head. "I'm just overthinking."

She turned the faucet off and grabbed some tissue from the container beside her. "As much as I would love to give you some advice, I can't. You don't really tell us much about you and him. I'm not gonna force you to tell me things though." She sighed as she threw the used tissue in the bin beside her as well. "But what you can do is to communicate your worries with him, Boram. Communication is key, remember?"

I just sighed. I mean, these worries are self-inflicted, because as of the moment, he isn't really doing anything to make me worry.

"We should go. Do you want to have a ride home or your 'not yet boyfriend ex-boyfriend' is picking you up?"

"He's picking me up."

"Of course he is." We began to walk our way out of the building.

"Are you really sure about him? I mean, there's a lot of good guys out there."

"What do you mean, Daisy?"

"I'm just saying that my cousin would be a great pick." She said it as if it was nothing but I know that her words are implying something.