Earning It || KSJ 🔞

Chapter 18: Her Happiness

Kwon Boram's POV

Entering our sexual relationship was both good and bad. However, his money undeniably brought me to cloud 9 and made me attain the ease in life that I struggled so hard to achieve that's why I left the bad side of it aside unintentionally.

I was a woman he paid in exchange for sex. Though that was my truth, and I was aware of it, my awareness was not as deep as now that it's slowly sinking into me. I can't help but feel disgusted with myself even if now, we're doing just fine. I still can't erase the fact that I practically sold myself to him to get to where my family is at the moment.

Despite laying down on my mattress with nothing heavy on top of me, I could feel as if there is something as heavy as a person hovering and caging me but not so in a good way. It feels suffocating and I am uneasy.

I don't know what my mom feels now. She said she understands, but I feel like the truth that she found out added something to our relationship. Perhaps a crack, because it feels like there's a detachment from the way she looked at me before turning her back at me.

I did that for them but still, they are not to be blamed because, at the end of the day, it was still my decision out of desperation. I made myself like that.

My tears were continuously flowing down my eyes, still vividly seeing the way my mom looked at me in shame and disappointment and turned her back on me.

I bit my lip, looking at my phone as it rang because of another call from Jin. He has been calling me for the past hour but I cannot find any strength to pick up his call. I cannot even find the strength to move.

Jin loved me despite that fact. I treated him like a friend, like a normal person, and not just a person that I used for his money, that's why he wanted to be with me.

Despite how our previous relationship worked, I still did not take advantage of him.

The ringing of my phone stopped but it only took a few seconds before it rang again. This time, I picked it up. "Hey," my voice was soft and shaky.

[Are you crying?] His voice asked me softly and gently as if the wrong tone could make me break down again.

I hummed. "I feel bad."

[Eomma found out, didn't she?] I only hummed to answer. "How did she find out?"

I sighed. "She probably saw it on my bedside table." I began to cry again, but because of my stupidity this time. "I should have thrown that away or burned that already! I'm so stupid!" I cried. "I don't even know if my mom is still mad at me. I don't even know if we'll be able to still act the same with each other. I disappointed my mom, Jin. I made her mad," I cried to him.

He was silent for a moment.

[I'm sorry. It's my fault,] he said after the silence. My cries immediately stopped and I was about to speak but he spoke again, [I was the one who offered you the deal in the first place. You worked hard and diligently in my residence but I decided to shake your normal life and asked you. I'm sorry.]

I shook my head, although he couldn't see me. "No, love. It's all my fault. You asked and I rejected but I came back to you and accepted it. It's my fault."

He sighed. [Are you hungry?] He asked, out of topic, making me touch my belly and look at the time on my phone. It's 10 pm. I cried so much I haven't even noticed the time and my mom actually did not call me to eat dinner as she normally would.

The thought made me sigh.

"No. Why'd you ask?" I wiped my tears, finding myself already calm and composed, though still with a heavy heart.