A Snapshot of Dixie

3: Loss for Words

TUCKER

Gazing into the eyes of the one woman that I've tried so hard to keep close to my heart over these last few years, I feel it pound like the beat of a drum. Like she's the only girl who could ever produce such explicit beats because every note stems from her.

God, I knew coming back here would bring back all my regrets. I should've never...

"Tuck, you in there?" I hear my momma shout as she bangs on the bus door, prompting me to put my cowboy hat back on.

"Yeah. I'll be right there, Momma," I shout back.

Gazing at my sweet Dixie Cup, I reach for her hand. "Do you feel better now? I don't even need to ask why you were upset because I'm sure I already know the answer," I let out, recalling all the times I've seen this look on her sweet lightly freckled face. Gracelyn has always had her nose shoved too far into Dixie's life. Not only that but every piece that makes Dixie Mae so amazing she tries to break.

When we were about nine years old, I remember spending an afternoon down by Salamander Pond. It wasn't really named that, but that's what Dixie always referred to it as because she loved catching the slimy amphibians and claiming them as her pets. Anyway, Dixie had the bright idea to go swimming that day and it was hugely frowned upon because the water was filthy from the thick mud that lay on the floor. Dixie didn't care, though. She jumped right in and started scooping up mud and tossing it at me. It was such a blast, basking in the spontaneity that was my wild at heart Dixie Cup. Our fun ended quickly when her mother showed up and dragged Dixie by her ear back to the car. She kept spouting out words like "This is not how a lady behaves."

That was when I saw firsthand why Dixie despised her mom so much. Gracelyn slowly started sucking the life from Dixie like a vicious sponge, squeezing every ounce of energy from the girl who still to this day stimulates my being.

"You were always good at reading me like a book, Tucker James." She smiles and I feel that sappy ballad start to play in my head. The one I've tried repeatedly to write, but ever since I left, the words won't come out the way I feel them.

"Thank you, Tucker."

"Anytime." Smiling, I set the bottle of memories on the counter and open the bus door.

"Well, if I didn't know any better, I'd swear it was ten years ago seeing the two of you. How are you, Dixie Mae? Gosh, you look so grown up!" Momma wraps her in a hug as I follow Dixie out of the bus and make sure not to step on her elegant gown.

God, she's so gorgeous.

Remembering the first time I laid eyes on her in Kindergarten, I find myself grinning from ear to ear. My parents had just moved us to Birmingham from Montgomery that year and Dixie was sitting at her desk, coloring a picture. A baby blue dress with white daisy cutouts dressed her body and yellow ribbons tied into her brunette pigtails. Being the new kid in school at the age of six was nerve-wracking, but she made it all fade away. One smile was all it took and right then and there, I knew I wanted to be the reason for that smile forever.

"You're so sweet. It's lovely to see you again, Felicity," Dixie says as my heart performs those familiar flips. Hearing her voice again is like music to my ears.

"Gosh, isn't she beautiful, Tuck? I don't know how you ever let this one get away." I quickly wave my hand while Dixie has her back turned, signaling my mother to drop the subject. Although I intended to live out my dream with Dixie by my side, sometimes what you want and what's right are two completely different things. My mom is truly one of my biggest supporters and I consider her a friend, but when it comes to talking about Dixie, I take the road less traveled.