Perfect Illness || lookism x reader

76. The MOST Sigma

Song of the chapter: Back to Black, Amy Winehouse

as always, listen after, during, before, or not at all, wtv, but lmk how well it fits or if there r better options!!

comment and vote 💞

It could have been a coincidence, but increasingly, things were making sense. The huge pull towards Johan, for example, which had only happened after Gun had come to beat him (ch. 48. Desperation). The memory flashed through her mind, and she remembered what had happened then. The same thing. It had only been a fraction of the pain she had felt now–mere discomfort, in fact, when compared–but it was the same inexplicable surge of chemical. I know that my chemical increases based on my severe or passionate emotion–anger, love, embarrassment, fear... Especially fear. That's why Gun can actually sense the chemical in my presence, that's why he's addicted to it.

When Olly died... When Olly died, she had experienced that surge in chemical, so much that she was vomiting blood, and it was dripping from her nose and eyes, her vision blurring with red before she had passed out. (ch. 65. Some Deaths) The same thing had happened here.

And she had given Johan way more blood than she had given Olly.

So we're connected, me and Johan. She didn't know how to feel about that. It's not for any petty feelings like a crush... every cell in my body craves him because I gave him my blood. She remembered that night when Johan had jumped in front of the knife for her (ch. 24. Death). That night was the only other time that the chemical in her body had been so high from fear of losing him, that her blood had burned on her skin too, like it had when Jake touched her. She remembered pouring her blood down his throat and on to the wound, and she remembered Johan's screams as it burned him from the inside (ch. 25. Death pt2.). But it hadn't been enough for significant change, clearly. Whatever connection they had was only triggered when Johan felt huge amounts of emotion–like he had just now, anger at the company that had ruined his mom and his life, and back then, betrayal from Jin and the God Dogs and then from Gun disowning him.

And she just craved him because her blood wished to reclaim the sacrifice, be reunited as a whole.

She twisted her head to glance at Johan, his eyes closed and face beautiful. Normally she would feel a rush of appreciation for his angelic features...but all she could muster now was a sick feeling of wariness and misery in her gut as her sobs receded. Thank god Jake's arms were warm around her, anchoring her to him and reality.

The wariness blossomed, and she quickly scrambled away from Jake, who looked hurt and confused, but mostly concerned.

"YN–" he started.

"Y-You–" Shock and anger made it impossible to finish her sentence. Betrayal was painfully settling into her heart. He saw her, trapped in that drug-infused room. He held her. He kissed her. Then he left her.

"Me..?" he offered, hands raised as if approaching a wild animal. He clearly didn't realize what he had done... or he didn't care.

"YN! I'm hereee!!" sang a voice from the doorway suddenly.

The fight had been draining out of her, replaced with misery, but at the voice, a little strength returned to her. "Goo!"

"You're welcome, by the way, you owe me massively. Hey–" Goo walked in, bending over to pick up Xialong's big chinese sword. "Doesn't this belong to Xialong? Xialong? What's he doing on the floor? Ah, Miss Vivi. How is the president of the T group doing?"

He walked over to YN, gripping the scruff of her collared shirt and pulling her up with an ease that shocked her. "Get the fuck up girl, that's embarassing. Why do you look like you've been in a slaughterhouse?"