Secret Sins || Levi x Reader

Secret Sins || 1.8

(The Sinful Soldier)

"I don't know what bothers me more? Him or Me."

:—————:

Standing idly under a waterfall of scolding hot water I ran both my hands through my H/C hair pulling out strands of thin hair from my scalp. I felt like a slab of ice melting away from the temperatures of this water boiling my skin as the condensed air filled my already burned lungs to a scalding simmer.

I could feel my thoughts evaporate as I closed my eyes enveloping myself with the water, to become one. To flow like the others, to be one with something that can be understood. To be normal in this world, to not fear something that I cannot control.

Turning off the water I realized I will never be understood, I'm not like water. I can't go with the flow of others because I am myself. I was born with an ability that is far beyond people's comprehension, I was born to do what I want to do. Nothing I've done could ever change that concrete mindset I have of others and myself.

Stepping out of the shower I wrapped a white towel over my body letting the excess water trickle down my legs and onto the mat while I wiped my shriveled, wet hand against the fogged mirrors that were forbidding me from seeing myself.

It's been a week since I last saw Levi at the bar, and I've been going there more recently since my old habits are coming back to life — Not that I'm really happy about it — But it's weird that he only showed up once and not again, unless he's been going there when I wasn't, which is probably the case.

Not that I want to see him again, it's nerve wrecking to be around him. Every time I am, I don't know what to do, I'm cemented in time, unable to breath normally, unable to read the situation and time it to my accord. Every time I'm near him, time gets lost in my grasps, and forgotten. The blood in my veins begin to boil at a high simmer; flooded with emotions of all sorts. I could feel my skin crawl when he stared his cold grey eyes at me, outlining every aspect of my body. I felt how his eyes peered into me, examining every detail I could have possible given him.

I needed to pull my head out of my ass and stop acting like a girl who has a crush on a boy she's spoken to maybe once in her lifetime.
I am a woman who shouldn't care about anyone, other than herself.

Nothing is more important than being unattainable...

...But Levi's gaze is different, it's dark, it's dangerous, yet so alluring.

Everything about the way his eyes are oriented against me, drives this feeling out of me, that I cannot explain nor understand. It's overwhelming, it eats me alive. Thinking about it makes me feel like I'm being pushed against the edges of knifes, just waiting to fall against the blades of hunger.

Getting a grip on myself needs to happen now, before I lose it completely.

—

Walking down the streets of Trost district, I couldn't help but find the quietness of these usual busy streets to be comfortable and peaceful. With every step I envisioned how this place usually looks during the daytime, and how all the kids run around trying to steal stuff because they can't work yet.

Though currently, not a single soul except me walked down these streets, to which I felt alone and fragile as the night sky washed over me like a cold blanket with the moon burning my iris from its beautiful glare.
If only I could see the moon from both eyes.