Secret Sins || Levi x Reader

Secret Sins || 1.18

(The Sinful Soldier)

"I tend to think,
Will I ever be normal?"

:—————:

Standing In front of the mirror I looked at myself examining every single thing wrong with me. I hated the reflection I was seeing; I especially hated that eye. I only saw anger, despair, sadness, insanity lacing that E/C colored eye. I could vividly see what that eye has witnessed in the past, how much torment it has been through, how much of my stepfathers face it has seen.

If I could, I'd gauge out that eye too. But I've already done enough damage to myself that I won't even consider that an option.

Tracing the largest scar that crosses my right eye I could feel sparks hit the pads of my fingers as I traced the thickened white scar to the very end.

Ducking my head down above the sink, I pinched the color contact in my right eye taking it out. I completely forgot about it for a few days as I was busy getting ready to leave Trost after I go on one last expedition with the Scouts, or I mean protect a few Scouts from their hideout or whatever.

Looking back up, I met my white eye.

'Fuck it's ugly' I thought.

I can't even begin to imagine what that eye has seen, the Sins of others. The cruelest things people have done. Sometimes I feel the devil has committed less Sins than the people who walk this earth have. I've witnessed some of the most horrid thing people have done, how they traffic, murder, rape, steal, abuse other living beings. The ones that hurt me the most are the fathers hurting their children, how much pain their inflicting on their own blood.
It makes me sick, so sick that I can't take it.

The memories of my own childhood flood in.

My biological father was only there for a little bit of my childhood and when he was there, he was sweet and kind, he'd always be gentle with me and take me to the playgrounds when he had time.
But that incident that day, changed everything about him.

And that incident brought in a new chapter in my life, the chapter that would alter my entire mind.

My stepfather.

He wasn't my father; he could never be my father. I didn't care how much he said "I love you" to me, I would never care. No amount of "I'm sorry" would every fix the shit he's done to me. He's a monster, born from the tears of my eyes.

He's a cruel slaughter of human emotions, he will tear anyone apart for his own selfish reasons. He's a man with power and money. He manipulated my mother in ways that sicken me.

He could say "I'm sorry, I didn't mean too" to me all he wanted, and I wouldn't give a single fucking shit about it. Words are meaningless to me, he made them meaningless to me. Only a cruel fucker would every do what he did to me, he had guts and he used them.

He carved me, he penetrated me, he silenced me, he hit me, he starved me, he restrained me, he deprived me, he killed me.

He obliterated me as a person, he deprived me from all human emotions and human rights. He ripped them away from me and burned them in my room.