My Cup Of Coffee

Chapter 32

Time seemed to have stopped. No more cars were heard passing by. People weren't heard anywhere close to me. Much less the music outside of stores. I'm not sure how long I've been here. All I know is that my tears were now dried. And the only thing I felt was embarrassment. I was delusional to think she felt anything. The fact that I just walked away like that gives it all away. And now she's probably laughing at me. Or on her way to find someone else to bother. The wind had gotten worse. My finger tips were starting to go numb. Not even holding my knees up to my chest kept me warm.

And to think I would have told Sehun about such stupidity. That would have thrown my whole marriage away. Two whole years. My already planned future. And I was ready to do it. I have been ready to do it. Because the way Y/n makes me feel is just so uncontrollable. Now here I am. Regretting what lead up to this moment. This mess. I've made such a fool of myself in front of her. All those moments I constantly think about, the moments that soothe me to sleep. How she helped me recover from my breakdown. And how she told me everything was okay.

The girl knows something about me no one else does. She's the only person to kiss me like that. And she's the only person who's been able to calm me down without having to use the stupid medication pills given to me. All it took her was holding me and telling me it would be okay. And I believed it cause she was there. Because after everything that has happened in my stay here, I've come to terms of having certain feelings for her. Feelings I've never had before. Strong feelings. The same ones I've tried to have with Sehun but failed.

"You look like an idiot" I say to myself. Getting up. Refusing to let that girl have any part in how I feel for once this whole month. The way she's influenced what I do, feel and think is insanely frustrating. Yet if she were to find me and hold me in her arms, I wouldn't push her away. Because her warmth is the only thing I want ever since I felt it. I don't even bother trying with Sehun. And I'm getting married to him soon. With his sister at the alter with him.

I wandered the streets. Finding no sign of the girl. It only took me two minutes before I realized how cold my body was. My hands felt so numb that when I pulled my phone out I couldn't type. The sun was gone. Only a few people were walking by. Close to each other. Making me mad. Why can't I have something so simple? I do have that. But with the wrong person. I would have to meet Irene and Lisa in half an hour. Time with the girl flew by. Laughing and smiling as we walked. The thought of us looking like a young couple made me smile as I looked around. Spotting a coffee shop at the corner.

Even the place remained me of the girl. I'm acting like a typical teenager girl after a break up. The thing is, it is how I feel. We weren't together. Nor did she have feelings for me. I've come to terms of which denying those feelings is just useless. To her, it was nothing. And to me, it was everything I've never felt before. Inside the coffee shop I immediately felt warmer. And pushed the thoughts of Y/n away. Knowing it would make me feel a lot worse.

"What can I get you today?" A young man smiled at me the second I sat down.

"A médium Americano" I say. Knowing of nothing else to order.

Where is she? How is she feeling? Does she regret it? Am I over reacting? Yes, I am. I'm letting my feelings take over. Not logical thinking. Whenever I'm with Sehun there's no need for logical thinking. The feelings I had towards him were never strong enough. I never knew just how weak they were until I met the girl. Day by day she slowly changed how I see everything. First by testing me, telling me everything about her, pretending she cared about me, kissing me so gently and now has taken over all my thoughts. And I couldn't be mad at her. Because it's only my fault.

The coffee I drank warmed up my body and allowed me to wake up. Now my thoughts were organized. I didn't feel so hurt. The only thing I wanted to know was where the girl went after what she said. I know she meant it. Why else would she say it that way?