My Cup Of Coffee

Chapter 45

I cleaned my apartment in a span of two hours. Laying or sitting down a lot more often than I should have lead to a lot of procrastination. I no longer felt like getting up in the morning. There's no cup of coffee awaiting me. Much less made by her, who seems to be taking over my thoughts. Sehun has to attend work this and next week all day in order to make up for his hours missed. I, on the other hand am back on my articles who seem to be getting more and more boring by the week. Could it be that I'm losing interest?

There's no update or any leads about the illegal drug substances going around. Chances are they are keeping it a secret. I just wanted the girl to be careful and safe. But now that I'm no longer in touch with her I couldn't even know. Is she in her room? Out on her job? Or on her way to find some other girl to keep her occupied now that I'm gone. I had so many questions for her. Who was that little boy? She lied about him. Clearly he's important to her. Could she be the mother?

"There's no way. Just stop thinking about her" I say to myself.

I'm done with my articles. Usually, I love reading when alone in my apartment. It's all I used to do since I live alone. I didn't know just how much fun I could have until I met her. But now I have to fall back into my routine. One that I've come to realize is miserable. How did I live like this? Unaware of my own misery, until she took me out of it into a world filled with color and uncontrollable emotions. I despise the way I think.

-

It's past noon and I haven't eaten yet. So I got up from my bed, slipped some shoes on, threw a jacket on me, took my keys and walked out into the cold evening. I had missed my small car. So perfect for me. Small, smooth steering wheel, perfect air conditioning and a heater that is outstanding. My car. Never once messy, I rarely even let people come inside it. I had driven Sehun in here only a few times when I have to. I avoid letting anyone in here. Other than Irene and Hyuna. This car is just my own little satisfaction.

And as I drove, for the first time I turned the radio up. Feeling the need to have something other than my own silent presence. I drove up to a near coffee shop. Sat down and opened my menu. Feeling warmed up by the heaters inside. Looking out the window, there was a park. No playground. Just a huge space of grass, trees without leaves and benches where people sat. That's all I could see. And I took it all in.

"What will you be having?" A young man asked me. Being quite charming with his question. Too charming. Or am I overthinking everything now?

"An americano and a strawberry shortcake" I smiled.

"You got it" he smiled and walked away.

Strawberry shortcake. Strawberries. The girl loves strawberries. Every time her name pops up on my phone and whenever I look at her contact, there's a strawberry. Having it be one of the many things connecting her with me. Just not me to her. I've come to learn that whatever we have isn't mutual. But one way. Yet we both seemed to be putting in the same amount of effort and if not, then she was the one to keep our little secret going. Yet I was the one to fall for her

My order was ready before I was done looking at everyone and everything outside the window. There was just so much to look at. I happily ate thinking of only this moment. Somehow being away from the girl feels as if some type of weight has been lifted from my shoulders. As if there was something pulling me down. And now it's gone. Now that it's gone I'm allowed to go back to my simple, boring and blunt life of mine.

-

It's been two days now. And I'm making it harder than it has to be by laying awake at night and thinking about her. Sehun called me this morning and wants me to go over to his house for dinner. He'll be making my favorite dish. And after that call was when I realized it's pointless to think about her now. I have a wonderful husband who loves me. I should for the least learn how to treat him right and love him again. Like I did the first time. Except my feelings don't do as I wish them to do.