My Cup Of Coffee

Chapter 48

Yesterday after I told her, she took me into a big warm hug. Told me it wasn't my fault, that I'm not weak, that I'll be okay. I didn't tell her how it made me feel. I didn't ask her to say these things to me. But Irene did. Because she knows exactly how I feel without me needing to tell her. It's a beautiful thing. And I love her for it. She didn't stay on the topic much. She knew I didn't want to. Instead she found a way to lift my mood up and took me out to the best breakfast. Forcing me to take the pills afterwards. Without making me feel sick. She's perfect.

Last night I got myself to take them again after a shower, realizing I hadn't showered in such a long time. Yet I didn't cringe at myself like I usually do. I had slept a full 10 hours. No nightmare. The second I woke up I wandered what these pill did in order for me to stay calm all day and sleep all night. Some sort of drug? I always hated them but there wasn't a day they didn't help me get through back then. And I hate the thought of that.

-

Ring ring ring

Just as I was getting my coffee going my phone rang. An unknown number. Thinking it was a mistake, I put my phone down in attempt to let it ring. Then I remembered, Haseul. We were supposed to get drinks this weekend and I gave her my number. Almost in a flash, I got my phone and picked it up.

"Roseanne, right?" She nervously said.

"Yes" I lightly laughed.

"Drinks tonight? Or are you busy?"

"Not at all. I'm free"

Maybe I should tell Sehun? He doesn't need to know. He would want to know who she is and why she's my doctor. On top of that, why I'm seeing a doctor in the first place. Too many questions and I can't deal with that.

"Perfect. Meet me in Club Blue Moon at 7:30. Don't be late" she says.

"Okay. I wo-" she hung up.

I have plans! Should I invite Irene? I never told her about Haseul, or the appointment. Much less that Alice set me up. One thing won't hurt. Irene knows all about me now. Going out with Haseul is a one time thing. Nothing much more than a patient and a doctor attempting to become closer outside of the doctor's office. After eating I skipped taking my pills. I felt perfectly fine. Enough to get my apartment organized. It had become such a huge mess this week, I hadn't attempted to pick anything up. I had a huge pile of clothes. So I will be doing the laundry today, keeping me busy until time to meet up with Haseul.

-

Doing the laundry brought me some sort of comfort. My apartment didn't have laundry machines. So I had to drive down town in order to do them. With the cold weather and odd feeling of home, doing my laundry wasn't such a pain. There wasn't very many people doing it today. I had a clear view of the street, stores across from it. People walking with huge jackets, gloves, hats for the cold and simply enjoying the winter. Seeing as cars slowly passed by and the snow they drove by being thrown into the side walk. The laundry's heater allowing me to take my jacket off. I waited and watched everything that was going on outside. Wanting to take a picture of it all. So peaceful.

Instead of waiting around for the laundry to be ready, I decided to become one of the many people out here. My jacket allowing me warmth. The snow on the sidewalk perfectly fresh, no ice for me to accidentally slip on. Not enough people for me to worry about bumping into them. Instead, it was all perfect out here. Walking and looking around. Having been here so many times before but never alone. Slowly I was getting back to my old habits. From before highschool. I had matured so quickly. No time to properly enjoy being young without having to worry about exams or petty relationships

The only time I've ever felt young was with her. And deep down I knew it was the best feeling that had ever come to me. She knew how I felt about her and still didn't act upon it. It infuriated me really. She heard my words that took so much courage and pride to say only to throw them away and act like I never said anything. Because to her, that's easier. Pretending as if she isn't hurting anyone. And I loved pretending as if what we did, what she said to me, was okay. I just wanted to feel something unforgettable. And I did.