My Cup Of Coffee

Chapter 55

I had just gotten off the phone with Sehun when Lisa and Irene came back from their day long date, with bags in one hand and a drink in the other. They both came in with smiles as I had sat on the couch for the past hour or two, hungry. I had skipped breakfast in order to pick Jennie up and hadn't eaten anything since the night before. I could hear my stomach calling for food. From the looks of it, the couple had already eaten.

"How's Jennie?" Was the first thing they asked.

"Well she'll be walking again next month"

After our terribly short conversation they descended into Lisa's room, completely leaving me alone yet again. Im tired, hungry, confused and seriously need my pills. So long I had gone without them and now I cant spend one peaceful night without them. If there truly is something I regret, its leaving them on my nightstand back in my apartment. Their missing presence has caused me a hard time sleeping on top of that, my thoughts seem to have gone wild. From recalling buried memories, regretting what I have done and now my own feelings I thought I was so sure of.

This wasnt supposed to happen.

Then what was supposed to happen?

What was the purpose of coming here knowing I wanted to see her but needed to get rid of my foolish feelings? I payed her a visit and now Ive been invited to her New Year's party. This wasnt supposed to happen. I was supposed to spend time with my friends that day but the biggest part of me wanted to be with the girl and touch her. Hold her. Kiss her. Why must it be so hard? Im married. Over the phone Sehun expressed how much he loves and misses me, when I returned his words I couldn't seem to mean it, but at the same time I also wish to be him. My mind is going through an endless cycle.

Im hungry and drained, with all my thoughts I felt exhausted. I had finally seen her and it made me feel joy. Yet, my heart had sunk when she turned her back to me, not wanting to see me. None of this makes sense. I called it a night before I could lose my mind. Im falling into a weak state when nothing is wrong. I feel helpless. Why must I be so weak to the point I terribly depend on pills? My dreams were filled with the girl, a little boy and Jinsoul. Shifting from the past to the present, making me feel an inevitable amount of guilt and self loathing.

-

I was awoken by the sound of bacon cooking up in the kitchen, my nostrils soon filled with the heavenly smell of fresh cooked pancakes. My stomach began to growl so much that it hurt, once I got up to my feet I was only met with the couple completely lost in a kiss. I felt my cheeks turn red in embarrassment at the scene before me. Soon replaced with a negative feelign as I thought about the girl and how much I wish to taste those lips one more time. Since seeing her again yesterday the urge had only gotten stronger. I cleared my throat as I entered.

"Jesus Roseanne" Irene pulled away with a smile "Good Morning"

"Morning" I hummed along. Right before I sat down the doorbell had rang and it was my instinct to open it receiving Alice's cold body with a warm hug welcoming her in. Then Hyuna, then Jihyo and finally Nayeon and Jeongyeon. No better way to begin my morning than this way.

The eight of us ate breakfast in silence, well I did, feeling extremely hungry as I shoved food right into my face. We ate well clearing up our plates not once but twice. They then discussed the party tomorrow having ideas and planning it. Nayeon would invite additional friends and I just didnt know how to tell them I had different plans with the girl. How would I tell them? I made plans with Y/n because I'm completely in love with her but have a husband. Also, her little brother who I thought was her son didn't even give me an option. Idiotic really.

So I kept quiet until Alice and I sat in the living room, she wanted to tell me something but was holding back. Could she know about the girl and I? I have given myself away so many times I cant even defend my mistakes or come up with an excuse. I began to panic the longer we sat in silence, running my hands up and down my knees and becoming very anxious though I shouldnt be.