My Cup Of Coffee

Chapter 57

Jinsoul never received proper closure after our break up, she lived on thinking I stopped loving her and didn't care towards her any longer. It took every last bit of my courage to approach her knowing she hated me for what I had done. What I expected was to be yelled at, pushed out of the way or slapped, a negative and painful reaction. Exactly what I deserved but instead she kissed me. The second she kissed me I could understand how she felt, the same way she did junior year, this time I no longer can return those feelings.

I was in such shock I didn't respond to her kiss nor did I push her away, I couldn't. A tear was felt running down my right cheek, her tear, immediately I pulled away from her. I felt ashamed of myself worried if the girl had seen us. "I'm sorry" Jinsoul stepped back wiping her own tears away. "You could've told me."

"You wouldn't have stayed away"

She remained quiet for a moment knowing I was right. "I'm sorry for kissing you. Your girlfriend is going to beat me up, isn't she?" Though she was joking and forced a laugh it was transparent. I could see right into her.

"She's not my girlfriend"

Another moment of silence. It was terribly awkward but neither of us wanted to walk away. "I'm still sorry" she looked up, I met her teary eyes. "I understand why you did what you did, it's okay"

"I should've told you, I really should have. I'm just sorry I hurt you"

"You were protecting me, I get it. Just wish I didn't think I messed up for so long"

My heart ached, the look in her eyes, those tears and words. I made myself believe I did the right thing but now that I look at her, I'm doubting it all. Maybe there was a better way to do it. I could have told her the truth and worked something out. There was so many things I could've done to save our relationship but I was too scared so it ended. I followed Jinsoul's eyes to my hands, then she spotted my ring and looked right back up. "Ah, she's your wife" her smile was genuine but hid something behind it.

"No, I have a husband" I clicked my tongue.

"Oh" she seemed confused "I'm sorry about Eunwoo"

"I'm the one who's supposed to be apologizing" I lightened the atmosphere "it's okay. The situation quickly escalated anyways"

There was awkward silence as we got to the end of our conversation. Nothing else needed to be said, she knows the truth and I've finally given her the proper closure after all these years. "Well I better get going. Thank you" she quietly spoke up and walked inside. "Thank you for telling me"

The second she left it felt as if heavy weight was lifted from my shoulders, yet I felt horrible. She kissed me and told me unsaid words with it. Maybe it would've been better to have her hate me than still have feelings for me. I would be happier knowing she hates me than have her loving me when I don't feel the same way. Maybe giving her proper closure was the wrong thing to do. But it had been done.

"There you are" the girl's voice was heard coming out moments after Jinsoul headed inside. She must know we were out here together. What if she saw us kiss? Why does it worry me so much, I didn't kiss her back. But I don't want the girl to get the wrong idea, as if I'm in a relationship with her. What a joke. "I thought you left" she was slurring her words, a bit drunk. My jacket was in one hand as the other balanced against the wall.

"Let's go?"

"Help me walk?" She smiled handing me my jacket for me to put on. I didn't realize just how cold I was until now, the snow was still falling outside of the cold porch. I took the girl's hand and walked on the icy side walk. The snow lit up the beautiful night with a full moon shining bright accompanied by small snowflakes landing on my eyelashes. Despise the cold, her hand remained warm, perfect for my freezing hand.