From Knives to Pens

From Knives to Pens - Chapter 15

A/N: Everyone who is reading this right now, I can not put into words how grateful I am! The reads have gone up incredibly and I'm truly amazed! Thank you! As usual please can you comment your thoughts on this chapter. Also please tell me if you find any mistakes in what I've written so I can improve on my writing. Thanks again. Ciara x

Chapter 15 Willow’s POV:

I freeze at the feel of his soft, feather light, lips on mine, shock running through me. Andy Biersack is kissing me! Before anything more than a small kiss happens his lips are gone. We don’t move away from each other and I don’t want him to go. My heart races as his eyes gaze into mine.  I completely forget that we are on a train, in plain view of everyone else. Or that we are racing against time to meet the angry Mother of mine who will probably want mine and Andy’s blood. It feels as if it is only us on the whole planet.

My heart feels like it’s about to pound out of my chest as his hand goes to my cheek. He brushes a stray piece of hair from my eyes and I shiver. Soon his lips are on mine again and this time I don’t freeze, but respond to him willingly. He seems pleasantly surprised and our kiss turns from soft and sweet to hungry. His lip ring feels good against my lip. My hand goes to his neck and I pull him closer. He smiles against my lips and our kiss deepens.

Eventually we have to break away, short of breath. I look into his eyes and see such compassion. This grounds me back to Earth and instead of feeling happy that he feels that way, I feel a deep regret and embarrassment.

I pull away from him, blushing deeply. Of course he doesn’t feel that way after a few days! He’s only missing Juliet, he’s not really thinking about what he’s doing. I feel a deep shame at the way I reacted to the second kiss. Instead of pulling away, I encouraged it. I feel embarrassed at my actions.

Andy, sensing something’s wrong, speaks. “Willow, are you ok?”

I don’t answer him but stare intently at the view from my window. I don’t even take in what I’m seeing, my mind too busy reliving the events of the past minute or so. My first kiss was with Andy Biersack. My lips tingle at the memory. It felt so good and right, but I know it means nothing. And that’s what hurts. It sounds really stupid but I don’t want to remember the time I kissed Andy Biersack and it meant nothing. I would be lying if I said that with all the time I’ve spent with him I haven’t begun to feel anything for him.

“It was a mistake Andy.” I whisper, tears forming in my eyes. I don’t turn to face him, but continue to stare aimlessly out the window. I don’t want him to see me.

“What?!” He asks, sounding shocked. This angers me, the fact that he can’t see that this isn’t right and that he really has no feelings for me.

“You didn’t mean for that to happen! We both got caught up in the moment and we messed up! You didn’t feel anything.” I hiss angrily at him. I can’t quite bring myself to say that I felt nothing either, knowing that I would be lying.

“That’s not true Willow! I care for you deeply!” Andy says his expression one of bewilderment.

“You care for me, that’s all! You don’t feel that way about me!” I say my voice rising in frustration. He really can’t see it.

“How do you know how I feel about you?” Andy asks staring back at me. I look away not wanting to lose myself in his eyes.

“You’ve only just broken up with Juliet.” I say in a quiet voice.

“Why does that have anything to do with us?” He asks tilting my head his way. I force myself to meet his eyes.

“You can’t pretend that what you and Juliet had was nothing. You still loved her when she broke up with you and you still do now, you’ve just convinced yourself that you don’t.” I say, wishing I could just let this go and enjoy the fact that me and Andy shared a moment. But that isn’t me. I don’t just let things go so I can enjoy a moment, doing that only makes the truth harder to bear.