From Knives to Pens

From Knives to Pens - Chapter 16

A/N:Here's the next chapter and I hope you enjoy reading it. As usual please can you comment your thoughts on my writing and if you find any mistakes or inaccuracies please tell me so I can correct them. Thank you! Ciara x

Chapter 16 Andy’s POV:

I walk down the street aimlessly. I’m walking away from the one thing I really want. Instead of running back and holding her like I so desperately want to, I continue walking. I have no idea where the hell I’m going; I just know I need to find somewhere where I can be alone with my thoughts.

 I think I hear her voice calling my name, but I know I’m hallucinating. She doesn’t want me. She made that clear enough. A sharp pain goes across my chest at the thought. I should never have kissed her; it did more harm than good.

My mind drifts back to our second kiss and the way she responded. It was almost as if she did feel something… But I push that thought away. I can’t run back to her now. Her words on the bus erased any hope that me and her might have a shot at being together. I can’t remember a girl that has made me feel this way before, not even Juliet. I’ve done so much for Willow and we’ve shared so much of our lives with each other. I never thought we would end up this way.

The surface under my boot clad feet changes from hard pavement to soft grass. I look around me, surprised at the change of surroundings. With a start I realise that I’m in the park where I first saw Willow. I can’t believe that I only met her a few days ago; it feels like I’ve known her forever. Back then she was scared of me and I remember the chase that began in this park. How things changed.

I remember the time I found her curled up on the floor, and I comforted her. I smile remembering the night of the concert and singing the lyrics of Carolyn to her, the tears in her eyes.  My mind drifts to the moment on the doorstep where I told her I would spend the next day with her and we exchanged numbers. My next memory is of last night when we sat onstage together before the show. We were so happy then and it felt so amazing being in here company, just talking. Then I see the image of us onstage together singing Carolyn and I smile at the memory. That night holds so many memories of her. I remember us falling asleep on the sofa together watching Batman and the comfort I felt with her in my arms. This is probably one of my fondest memories of her.

So much has happened in a day. I take a seat on a bench in the park and place my head in my hands. Why couldn’t I have stayed and worked things out with her? Even though she doesn’t want me in that way we could have still been friends. But now I’ve ruined any chance I have with her.

But she hurt you too.  A stupid voice in my head has to remind me.

My thoughts are disturbed by the sound of my phone ringing. I take it out of my pocket and look at the screen. Willow.

I just stare at it, partly in shock and partly out of indecision on whether to answer or not. In a way I want to hear her voice but on the other hand I don’t know what to say to her. She hurt me and I don’t know what to do. It keeps ringing and ringing but I continue to do nothing, still undecided.

Eventually it stops ringing. Either she gave up or it went to voicemail. I sigh and my head goes back to my hands.

My phone vibrates and I slowly lift my head. I look at the screen. I have one new voicemail. I hover over the icon, debating whether or not to listen to it.

After a moment I give in and press the icon. Willow’s voice flows through the phone and into my ear. It sounds choked and upset. I close my eyes.

“Andy it’s me, I miss you. I’m sorry; I never meant what I said. I need to talk to you, please just call me back… Please Andy.”

I feel my own eyes start to water with tears, but I blink them away. I refuse to get upset. I take the phone away from my ear. I have to resist the urge to replay the voicemail; I just want to hear her voice.