From Knives to Pens

From Knives to Pens - Chapter 38

A/N: I apologise that I haven't uploaded in a few days, as I'm spending most of my time writing the next few chapters. Thanks for the reads, votes and comments, they keep me going! A always please comment your thoughts and notify me of any mistakes. Thanks! Ciara x

Chapter 38 Willow’s POV:

I’m awoken by a voice calling my name urgently and a warm hand shaking my shoulder. Turning away from it, I try to ignore them. I desperately want to go back to my dream. In it me and Andy were together on the same bench in the hospital park. We were kissing and everything felt right, peaceful. I need to go back to that dream.

“Willow, wake up.  We need to go.” Andy’s voice calls to me. He sounds anxious.

This makes me open my eyes. Seeing Andy and Sammi looming over me makes me jolt back in shock. Their faces are worried and I instantly become anxious.

“What is it?” I ask them sitting up. I rub the sleep from my incredibly dry eyes. They still feel raw from crying.

“Willow, it’s your Mum.” Andy answers, slowly. He pauses to let my head get around what he said. “She’s waking up.”

My breath catches in my throat. What did Andy just say? Instead of relief I feel a deep sense of dread. What will Mum be like when she wakes up? What will she remember?

“We need to go.” I whisper, climbing out of Mum’s bed. Andy nods and Sammi, Andy and I leave the room.

I pound down the stairs, glad that my ankle isn’t hindering my movement anymore. Sammi grabs the car keys and Andy grabs his leather jacket before we leave. My hands fumble as I try to lock the front door behind us due to my anxiousness. Thankfully, Andy takes the keys from me and locks the door. I try to smile up at him appreciatively as we walk down the garden path to the gate and Andy squeezes my hand reassuringly. His hand in mine gives me much needed strength.

As we get into the car a sense of pure panic washes over me. I feel myself begin to tremble uncontrollably in the passenger seat. Has Mum already woken up? Does she remember Zack and me?

Andy leans forward from the back seat and squeezes my hand. “It’ll be ok Willow. I promise whatever happens I’ll be with you and so will Sammi and Jinxx.”

I nod, unable to speak. My heart pounds as we draw nearer to the hospital. Thoughts surrounding the state of my Mum spin through my head, causing me to reach my hand out onto the dashboard to prevent myself from losing all sense of reality.

Tremors shake through my body more frequently and I see Sammi look over at me worriedly.

“Andy I think she might be going into shock.” Sammi says warily.

“I’m fine, honestly.” I say, my voice coming out shakier than I would have liked.

“Wrap yourself up in this, it might help.” Andy says anxiously passing me his leather jacket. I take it and give him a look that I hope looks appreciative. He smiles tightly at me, his eyes full of worry.

I put the jacket on and inhale Andy’s sent, hoping it will ground me. The scent of tobacco is fainter on the jacket than it was when I first met Andy, but beneath that the amazing smell that is all Andy envelops me.

The tremors subside slightly but don’t pass. Andy’s warm hand rubs my stone cold ones. “Breathe Willow, calm down.” Andy soothes.

I try to do as Andy suggests but it’s really hard to focus on anything but the state of my Mum. All too soon we’re pulling up outside of the hospital.

“You two go ahead and I’ll park the car. I’ll see you in a minute.” Sammi says. I nod, unable to speak as nerves take over me. Andy and I get out of the car and make our way up the steps to the front of the hospital. I grasp Andy’s hand as we walk through the hospital to the elevator.

“Come on.” Andy mutters under his breath, as we wait for the lift. He fidgets beside me restlessly. I remember reading somewhere that Andy has A.D.D. It’s weird how I haven’t seen signs of it before. Andy presses the button to call the lift repeatedly but after waiting another thirty seconds he gives up and pulls me towards the stairwell.

As we run up the stairs to the fourth floor, worry envelops me. Are the doctors with Mum? Is she okay?

When we arrive on the correct floor, Andy and I don’t even bother addressing the receptionist on the front desk. Instead, we run down the hallway to door number six as she calls after us.

Andy slows down next to me and we settle into a fast walk as we approach Mum’s room. Outside there is a gathering of people, familiar looking people. They are all reasonably tall apart from a smaller person towards the middle of the group. Everyone one of them has long black hair, like Andy’s, with the exception of the smaller one. Zack.

My heart races as I notice that Jinxx, Jake, CC and Ashley are all here. As they hear us coming they all turn around. Zack’s eyes widen when he sees us and he comes running to us. He looks incredibly worried but otherwise he looks the most alive I’ve seen him since the accident.

“Mum’s waking up Willow!” Zack says. His voice is more anxious and not at all excited, just as I am feeling. I take his hand in mine and nod.

“Why are we all here and not in there?” I ask looking around the group assembled outside as I come to a stop next to them and gesturing to Mum’s room.

“The doctors are with her. They need to check that everything is okay with her before she has visitors.” Jinxx answers. I nod and look into the window that looks into Mum’s room. The blinds are drawn so I can’t see what is happening inside.

Unable to stand I collapse into a seat outside of the room. Jake comes over to sit next to me as Andy and the others talk amongst themselves. I hear Andy asking questions about what happened while we were away but I don’t listen, my mind too occupied with worry.

I feel a warm hand enclose mine and I look over to Jake. He smiles at me worriedly.  “I’ve been worried about you ever since I heard about what happened.”

“You shouldn’t have. I’m fine.” I say squeezing his hand. Jake has always been there for me and I always appreciate his company.

“From what Andy’s told me you aren’t. It’s okay to admit your struggling. I’ve been through this, I understand how you feel. It sucks Willow, seeing someone you love suffer this way.” Jake says his eyes understanding.

“What’s going to happen to her Jake?” I whisper, tears clouding my eyes. I know he doesn’t have an answer but it’s the only thing on my mind at the moment.

Jake shakes his head sadly. “We’ll have to wait and see. But whatever happens Willow, the whole of Black Veil Brides will be with you every step of the way.”

I’ve heard the words before, from Sammi, Andy and Jinxx, but it’s still reassuring to hear them. Jake puts his arm around my shoulder and pulls me into a hug. I close my eyes and lean into him, thankful for him being here.

When I open my eyes I see Andy watching me and Jake. He smiles tightly at us but not before I see the jealousy in his eyes. Andy is quick to mask it but I still move away from Jake. A stab of annoyance strikes me at Andy’s reaction. He knows me and Jake are only friends. Jake has been through the process of losing his Mum so it’s good to be with someone who has been through what I’m going through and come out stronger. Andy needs to understand that.

At that moment, Sammi comes jogging down the corridor. “What’s happening?” Sammi asks sounding breathless. She comes to stand by Jinxx’s side and he instinctively wraps his arm around her waist. Sammi and Jinxx’s relationship is so simple and uncomplicated that I wish mine and Andy’s was that way.

Mine and Andy’s eyes meet and I don’t find the usual simple affection in them. My heart sinks. Andy and I are drifting apart and it seems there is not much I can do to stop it. My feelings for Andy haven’t faded and I just hope neither have Andy’s. After all of this has blown over, I pray me and Andy can go back to the way we were.

“Sophia’s waking up so the doctors are making sure everything is working as it should before she has any visitors.” Jinxx tells Sammi. Jake and I rise from our seats and join the group clustered around Mum’s room. I go to Andy’s side and take his hand, wanting him to know how I feel. He squeezes my hand reassuringly but I don’t feel the usual warmth it gives me.