From Knives to Pens

From Knives to Pens - Chapter 36

A/N: I completely freaked out when I saw how close to one thousands reads this story is! My goal for this book was one hundred reads and this is truly astounding. My thanks goes to everyone who has made this possible! As always please comment your thoughts and notify me of any mistakes. Thanks! Ciara x

Chapter 36 Willow’s POV:

A day passes in a blur of pain. All I want is my Mum to come back to me and Zack. My life feels hollow without her. I’m at a loss as to what to do.

Sammi convinces me to take a trip back home to change and clean up as she tells me I look a mess. I know she’s being polite and I know I passed ‘a mess’ days ago. Zack however cannot be persuaded to leave Mum’s side.

Andy comes with us while Jinxx stays with Zack and tries to comfort him. I have a feeling inside of me that Zack has gone too far to be comforted.

The journey from the hospital to home we spend in near silence. I sit in the passenger seat next to Sammi, with Andy sat in the back of Sammi and Jinxx’s hire car. Sammi tries to lighten the dark mood in the car with small talk but all she gets from me is ‘yes’ or ‘no’.  Eventually Sammi gives up and plays some Metallica instead.

Over the last day or so I’ve felt more depressed and hollow than I can ever remember. When Dad died I had Zack and I had Mum’s presence even if it was small. Now I feel alone. The first few days I spent in hospital with Mum, I was filled with hope that she would come back to me. But as time has progressed with no sign of change I’ve started to lose hope.

The time me and Andy spent in the park feels like an amazing dream and not real at all. Andy and I haven’t talked properly since leaving the park and I can still see the disappointment in his eyes, no matter how hard he tries to hide it from me. Jinxx and Andy talk a lot while Sammi spends most of her time with me, trying to get me talk about my feelings. She tells me it will be good to get everything out in the open and not keep it inside.

I know she’s right but I can’t put what I feel into words. Emptiness doesn’t quite cut how I feel. Even the small smiles Andy throws my way do nothing to warm the cold that has seeped into my every pore.

I look into the rear-view mirror as Sammi drives along at Andy. He sits with his head resting against the glass of the car window, staring out at the city as we pass. His eyes are cold and emotionless and I know I’m to blame. Tears prick my eyes and I look away.

Andy would be so much better off without me hindering him. He’s a musician and I feel I’ve taken away that aspect of his life. All I’ve done lately is think about myself, my family and I haven’t spared a single thought as to how the people around us are coping. Andy’s obviously struggling and Sammi, I feel, is close to giving up on me. Jinxx tries to reach Zack but Zack barely looks at him, let alone answers him. Maybe they should all go back to America…

My thoughts are disturbed by the car coming to a halt. Surprised I look up and see the faded exterior of my house. My heart fills with dread at the thought of going into it, with all the memories it holds.

“Here we are.” Sammi says softly, turning off the car. She gets out and Andy and I do the same. Sammi gestures for me to lead the way so I take a deep breath and push open the front gate.

My hand shaking, I retrieve the front door key from my jean pocket.  As the door opens, the familiar smell of home comes rushing back to me. I step inside and hear Sammi and Andy enter behind me.

Little has changed since I’ve been gone apart from two suitcases in the hallway (which are Jinxx and Sammi’s) and a blanket on the sofa.

“Jinxx bought you over some clothes Andy, they’re in his suitcase. I’ll go get them.” Sammi says leaving the room. She gives me a pointed look and I know what she wants me to do. Sammi wants me and Andy to talk.