the gentle moon / george weasley

don't come looking for me

I hope Sirius gave you this letter.

Please don't come looking for me. And please, do not call for me. Because I'd come back if you'd call, you know I will. So let me do this. I don't know how long I'll be gone, and honestly, I don't know if I'll come back. You must accept that, you must. You all understand what we all have to do, and this is the one thing that only I can do. I can do this, I know you know this. I could be in denial about all this. I feel like I will be, for a while. It just doesn't really make sense to me right now. For the first time, I would be away from the protection of my mother.

Some things I've learned about myself in the years you were gone, is you'll catch yourself staring at empty doorways. There will be this itch, that someone will walk through them. Someone you were waiting for. Don't stare too long, you'll miss out on too many things happening around you. You will catch yourself wanting to make more coffee than you need because you think if they come back that morning they'll be thirsty. Don't brew too much, it'll be too strong. And when the post arrives, it's okay to be excited when the stack of letters seems thicker than the days before. But don't feel bad when it's just an extra pamphlet of coupons and not a letter from them. They will come in handy on lonely nights. Flourish and Blotts usually send out a discount coupon in October, go buy a book. Read it, and then give it to a friend. I would tell you to try Hermione, but I think she's read most of their books already. Or maybe save me one. Keep a pile going for me.

By the time you are reading this, Moody and I will have made it to where the pack is. He will have left me, and I will have hopefully been welcomed in. He will come back with two things. One of them, you must not tell George, is a journal. It's his other half, and I stole it from him after the funeral. I showed it to Sirius before I left, but Moody wanted to make sure the protections were sound before I handed it off to you all. With this journal, you must not write in, do not write in it. It will glow when a message appears; it is from me. I will try my best to write to you as much as I can with the information I have acquired. Please write down everything you read on another sheet of paper, because we have charmed it to disappear once read, so it doesn't come back to me if someone else finds the journal.

The second thing I leave is my watch. I fear I might lose it during my time here, and I just can't bare that. So please keep it safe. Wear it, hide it away. But please keep it safe until I return. I love you and I know I don't say it often. I wish I told people I loved them more often. And I know you blame yourself for that, but it was never your fault. I think I always knew I could do it... Love. There was always this voice in the back of my mind who told me to try and I think it was always you even though you weren't there.

I hope you don't stay angry with me for choosing to leave. You must have known this would happen. You were the first werewolf I ever met, and maybe I was lucky that it was you. And this could be my optimism speaking, but what if there are others like us out there? Just stuck in a hard place, and need to help out. Maybe there will be someone in this pack that will accept me before everyone else and I can get them out of there.

Now that I am out of school, I can't just sit in that house and not do anything. I thought about escaping to the muggle world, taking classes, and getting a real job. A job that I can actually work. But this world will always hold me back. There might be a day when you and I will have the same rights as our friends. A day you can go back to teaching and I can finally start that residency at St Mungos. So for now, I will fight. I will be the pawn in this game, and do what is expected.

I won't have any of my potions, so I understand what my days will be like. What my nights will be like. And maybe, just maybe I have forgotten that night and that pain, that there will be no nightmares. And maybe I will see you sooner or later once my eyes close at the end of my days. It's been a pleasure, dad. I truly loved our time together. I know it took time, but meeting you was the best thing to ever happen to me. So thank you. I hope I can make you proud.

And when it is time, time for me to come home. Maybe there will be a sign or an itch that tells you I succeeded. And when that time comes, don't come for me. Send Sirius. I don't want you to see me this way, whatever way I look or am. I want him to bring me home, and I want to take a shower, brew a little more coffee than I need, and wait for you. Then come, and I will be waiting. And we can discuss everything, compare our times and then forget about it and move on. And I think we will have that chance, I really do. I will see you again, we have many more moons together.

I love you, dad

     -your little moon