the gentle moon / george weasley

i hate you

The shock of losing Moody hung over the house in the days that followed; August had caught herself almost making a joke she knew Moody would yell at her for. But she always stopped herself when she realized he wasn't there.

"Are you okay?" August asked Avil.

Avil shrugged, "I thought it would be easier."

"Death isn't easy." August said, "It never feels real..."

"You know, I knew it would happen... I always readied myself for it, but I didn't think it would be... this hard." She scoffed, "It's terrible." Avail turned to August, shooting a half smile at her.

"It is," August said. And then the pair burst into laughter.

"I haven't even told my dad yet." Avil choked on a laugh, "He'd drag my ass home if he knew he wasn't here."

Avil laughed a bit and then burst into tears.

"He was there the day I was born." Avil cried, "I know he's a rough guy. I know he has a temper, but he was my uncle. He was my best friend, he knew everything about me. I knew everything about him. He was... He was"

"He was your family." August sighed. "I won't lie to you." She leaned over to Avil, and wanted to touch her knee but she knew how Avil was with others touching her, "It doesn't get easy. You just grow to tolerate it."

"What about you?" Avil asked.

"What about me?"

"Are you okay?" Avil looked at her, August nor George had spoken to anyone about what happened that night. It was clear as day break that something happened, yet they were acting completely fine.

"I'm fine." She said, "I think I've grown numb to it all."

"You're not going on missions anymore, though." Avil pointed out, "Why does that seem like something you wouldn't do."

"Because it isn't," August laughed, "I'm not stopping because I'm over it, or that I'm giving up."

"Then what is it?" Avil asked, "You always seemed to like this. Love the chase, the thrill. I just thought you wanted to save this place."

"I love my husband more." August put it simple. "The only person I'm doing this for is my husband. And he needs me more than the order needs me."

Avil went to speak but August stumbled on her words, "I also wouldn't say I want to save this place. Not anymore..."

Avil bit at her lip, looking down at her coffee. "What happened that night, August?"

"Nothing." August said, looking away from Avil, "Nothing happened."

"Draco wants to leave-"

"And he should."

"-Why aren't you stop- What?"

"He should leave. Draco should leave."

Avil was put back, "But that night, you didn't want him to leave. What changed?"

"We don't need him." August said, "He's caused more of a mess than he has in the years I've known him."

"But he's just a kid," Avil said, growing angry, "When I got here, I was told that you were the one collecting Death Eaters, changing their minds. Making them better-"

"Why is it always up to me?" August snapped, "Why do I have to do it? Clearly everyone is talking about it, why not help me? Why not take a few of them off my plate? Is it because you all know if you get caught they'll come for you? Torture you? Kill you?"

Avil's eyes went wide, "Should it just be me then? The one who gets caught and tortured? I've clearly made a mistake, and I don't want to do it anymore. Everything I did, I did for Harry. And it's not enough. I will never be enough."