Charlie.- Completed

two

"It's too fucking warm." I walked down the stairs complaining as usual. 

"Its August. It's not going to be cold." I rolled my eyes as I pulled the front door open. "Where are you going?" 

"Nowhere." Pulling the cigarette pack and lighter from my pocket and looked back Harry and held the pack open for him. He walked out and took one, taking the lighter from my hand. He lit his own and then lit mine that was sat between my lips before passing the lighter back to me.

We stood in silence for a few minutes, neither of us speaking, just breathing in the smoke. Sometimes it was nice to have silence with these boys. They spoke. Constantly. It was great when I was in a bad mood. I'd be so focused on what they were saying I wouldn't be able to think. But they knew me well enough by now that sometimes I just needed some quiet. Or some 1 on 1 time. I moved around Haz and sat up on the wall behind him, staring at my feet as they swung loosely below. 

"So what's up with you then?" I looked at him, lowering one eyebrow and raising the other as I took in a deep breathe through the cigarette. "You're too quiet since we got home. Not even got your earphones in." He moved and pushed himself in between my legs, turning his head and blowing his smoke out away from me. 

"Nothing. I'm fine." 

"Bull." He put the cigarette between his lips and tucked my hair behind both of my ears, one side at a time before taking the stick from his mouth again. His face was like he was trying to work out an answer for himself. "You're not. I can see it on your face Charlie." 

They all knew me so well. It was almost embarrassing. As someone who prided herself on acting like stone; emotionless and cold. I hated it when they could look at me and tell me how I was feeling before I'd even worked it out myself. The way they'd tilt their heads and stare at me until I cracked and spilled every thought running through my head. 

"It's been a shit summer." I sighed and he nodded, pressing his lips together as I blew my own smoke out slowly. He took a really long drag of his cig, finishing it of and stepping back to pick up the ashtray from the doorstep, putting it beside me on the wall as he put his out. 

"Talk to me." His hands moved to my hips and he did the classic head tilt. I scrunched my face up and he smiled knowing I was onto his little trick. 

"I came back from my parents after not even a full week." 

"So you've been here. Alone. Since Like-" 

"Early June. Yep." He laid his head back and sighed as I took another drag. 

"Why didn't you text us, one of us would have come and gotten you." He looked back down, putting his head back into the tilt as I turned my head but kept my eyes on him as I puffed the smoke out in a quick line. 

"I just wanted to be alone." 

"Why?" 

"Because." 

"That's not an answer Charlie." I put my eyes down on the ashtray, putting the cig out. "I'll go get Fin if you don't just tell me." I grumbled and looked back at him, letting my shoulders relax. "Or I could just carry you inside and let you tell us all." 

"No." I looked down at the space that was barely remaining between us both. My voice came out a little more whiny and child like than I would have ever wanted. It sounded weak. I wasn't weak. 

"Loz-" 

"Harry, please. I don't really want to talk about it." 

"Fine." He shrugged and stepped back. He grabbed the ashtray, putting it back as he opened the front door. "GUYS." 

"Haz-" 

"DID ANY OF YOU KNOW CHARLIE HAS BEEN HERE ALONE SINCE JUNE?" The house filled with shouting and I let out a heavy sigh. 

"Thanks Harrison. Now you've done it." I crossed my arms as he turned back to me. 

"I did warn you." He walked back over and turned around so he had his back to me "Come on. Piggy back or I'll scoop you up." He patted his back and I rolled my eyes, but did as I'd been told. 

He carried me into the house, kicking the door shut behind him. The other boys were all gathered around the hallway. Georgie and Oscar were stood on the stairs, Alfie was stood in the living room doorway and Fin the kitchen doorway. 

"What do you mean you've been home alone for 9 weeks?" Fin spoke first. He was definitely the oldest out of all of us, like how girl groups have a mum, Fin was everyone's father figure. Even if they had good fathers. He always seemed to have his life together. 

I stared at him and he dropped his hands down to his side, nodding to the living room. Harry started walking and all of the guys followed. They sat me down on one of the couches, them all staring at me as I pulled my blanket over my legs for comfort. 

"So they've officially disowned me." I spat the words out, watching Fin as he furrowed his brow in confusion before it relaxed into a sad face. We'd known it was coming, my relationship with my parents had never exactly been perfect. Classic middle forgotten child who was always a nightmare at school, always in trouble and always arguing back. Not like their other 2 golden children. The black sheep. 

"Why didn't you tell us Loz?" I moved my head before slowly turning to look at Alfie, his sweet voice made me feel guilty for not mentioning it. 

"I just wanted to process it. Alone." Harry pulled me into his lap in the middle of the sofa, wrapping me in a hug. George pulled my legs over his, putting his hand under the blanket and slowly rubbing my shin. 

"So what exactly did they say?" Oscar sat forward on the sofa opposite, his fingers wrapped together.

"They asked how I'd been able to afford the car so I told them I had a really well paying job doing content creation like we said I'd say. And they kept pushing and pushing and pushing like they do and I held up so fucking well, answering but keeping it vague enough they wouldn't work it out. And then fucking Lucy laughed and said 'oh my god, you do onlyfans.' " They all rolled their eyes. "So I told them how much I make weekly and how it's more than they make in 6 months and they kept saying I'm essentially a fucking prostitute, selling my body." I stopped, sighing and putting my hands into the front of my hair and tugging to stop myself crying. Again. 

"Fucking Lucy. Always been a bitch." Harry rubbed my lower back, trying to bring me back around. 

"They have also banned me from speaking to Zoe, because god forbid I might actually show my baby sister there's more to life than working in a fucking office and watching her life waste away." I looked back up at Fin. "She's 13. She's not fucking innocent. She's already drinking and smoking and yet, I'm the bad influence?"

I moved my forehead to the palm of my hand that was resting on my legs. I was exhausted about all of this. It was obsessing everything I did. Constantly thinking about how angry it was making me, about how I hated them, how I just wanted my sisters but they had literally banned me from talking to them. They weren't worth all the tears I'd cried over the past 2 months.

The knock at the door grabbed everyone's attention, all of us turning towards it as if we could see through walls. They looked back at me as Fin walked to answer it. 

"Hi Noah. Can you just give us a sec? Make yourself a drink, kitchen's just there. We won't be long."  I heard the kitchen door close and Fin came back in, closing the living room door behind him. 

"I'm gonna go clear my head upstairs." I stood up, pulling myself from Georgie and Haz's innocent touch. 

"Loz-" 

"No it's fine. I'm good. I'll be back down in a lil bit. Don't go out without me." I pulled the door open before they could stop me and walked quickly up to my room. 

I just needed to be alone again. 

This is why I didn't want to talk about it.