Charlie.- Completed

eight

I could hear the guys talking about me, though I couldn't make out what exactly was being said. I closed the book I'd already half way read in just a few hours. I'd sat out of the way, further down the beach than them. I just needed some space from them, specifically Noah. 

I wasn't sure what was going on or what I wanted to do. I was so confused that it was starting to feel suffocating. And sitting here with my head in a book was helping to take my mind off it all. This is why we don't catch feeling Loz. Because they ruin something that's supposed to just be in the moment fun. 

I had an overwhelming urge to just run from it all. Just dye my hair and change my name, move to another city. Just leave everything behind. I had enough savings to do it. But that would mean leaving my boys. And they were my everything. 

"Can I sit?" I looked up and nodded slowly. 

We sat in silence, watching the sun slowly dip beyond the horizon.  I wish I could do that. Just disappear from sight for 12 hours at a time.

"I love sunsets." He spoke quietly after a solid 10 minutes of us watching it glimmering off the sea. "They remind me nothing lasts forever." I felt him look at me but I kept looking out at the endless possibilities the sea held. 

Maybe I should buy a boat. 

Sail the seas. 

"You've been quiet today. We're all worried." 

"I'm fine." 

"You've been stuck in your head." I looked at him from the side of my eyes, not turning my head. 

"If you're going to psychoanalyse me again I will just walk away."

"I'm not. I know you'll talk to me when you're ready." He smiled half heartedly. "What have you been lost in thought about then?"  I turned my eyes back to the sea. Maybe if I ignore him, he'll leave me alone.  "Us right?" I sighed and grabbed my book to stand up. "No don't go." He grabbed my hand and pulled me back into the sand. 

"I warned you." 

"I did and I pushed it too far. Just-" He moved further down so he could see me properly. He turned his back to the sea and crossed his legs. "Just don't go. Please." I huffed and crossed my arms.  He stared at me and I furrowed my brows after a few minutes. 

"Don't just stare at me like that. It's weird." 

"Your freckles are already coming out with the sun." I scrunched my face at him and he giggled like we were 10 again. "What you don't want me to talk about last night, or us but you want me to talk so what else am I supposed to say?" I put my hands into the sand and he copied me, putting his legs out beside me. I rolled my eyes and looked over my shoulder to see 3 of the boys play fighting and running down to the sea. 

"Where's Fin and and Fred?" 

"Gone to get food so we don't need to leave." I nodded and looked back to him as the splashes started behind him with the other 3 boys playing in the sea for the 50th time today. 

"Fine we can talk about us." I laid my head back but I could feel his smirk. 

"Thank god because it's driving me mad." 

"What is?" 

"Not being able to tell you how hot you are." I lifted my head back to him, leaning it on my shoulder. 

"I know." He smiled, not all of his teeth on show, but it was vibrant and enlightening. 

"Did you have fun?" 

"Today?" 

"Last night you plant pot." I watched the boys behind him. I didn't want to make eye contact. I didn't want to encourage any of it. 

"No comment." He chuckled at my answer. 

"I can see the smile on your face. That tells me all I need to know."

"And what's that?" I flicked my hair behind me and looked at him with a blank face. 

"That you can't stop thinking about it either." I looked up at the sky, closing my eyes gently. "Why's it such a big deal if you did?" 

"Because then we need to talk about what that means and where we go next. And I don't know if I can deal with that as well as everything else." 

"Everything else as in your parents?" I snapped my head down to him quickly, almost breaking my neck with the speed. "Fin told me." 

"God. I can't have any secrets can I?" 

"No. Even Haz has told them about the guy you kissed outside the club that disappeared and how you know who he is now." I rolled my eyes at him. "So it was absolutely horrible huh?" I threw my book at him and he laughed, slowly picking it up and putting it in the sand beside him. 

"You're starting to piss me off." 

"That is not my intention." He put his hand on my shin, carefully drawing circles like he had on my stomach after yesterday. I watched his finger, slowly tracing. Delicate touches that were causing train wrecking flashbacks to punch me straight in the face. "I know you're scared of whatever this is going wrong Loz. I don't want it to make our friendship awkward either. But I can't-" He sighed and put his finger on my chin, bringing my eyes up to his. "I can't go the rest of my life never feeling that again."  I dug my fingers into the sand, letting the spaces between my fingers fill with the heat still radiating from the days sunshine. 

"Look. Let's make a deal." He took his finger from me and sat up straight. "I promise to you if this doesn't work, I'll leave. I'll skip town and you and the boys will never ever hear or see from me again. It'll be like I never even showed up and you can all go on with your lives as if I never came back." He was holding out his pinkie finger. 

"But you have to promise me that you won't deny any feelings you might be feeling, that you won't hold back or overthink it all. You'll just let us happen as we need to. No labels, no pressure, no expectations for you to change your life. Just friends with a few benefits." I looked at his pinkie thinking about if I could agree to his terms or not. 

"Can I think about it?" 

"No." 

"Why not?" 

"Because then you'll over think it." He pushed his pinkie forward, urging for me to take it. "I'm not going to hurt you Charlotte." 

Those words hit me straight in the heart. Like someone was pulling it from me and squeezing it in a vice. That was hurting enough to tell me this wasn't a good idea. 

"No one can know if we do this. Especially not the boys." 

"Not a soul." 

"And we need to set rules." He rolled his eyes and pulled my hand closest to him from the sand. His grip was firm as he held four of my fingers and slowly turned his wrist so hid hand was on the bottom, supporting mine

"We will set rules." He slowly opened his hand so it was free for me to agree to the promise. I sighed and wrapped my finger around his. 

I was definitely going to regret this.