Charlie.- Completed

twenty one

I pulled my headphones on in the silent room. I wasn't drunk now. I'd drunk so much I didn't know how I was still alive. I sure as hell didn't expect to be. And if I was, I didn't expect to be completely hangover free. 

I wasn't surprised Ryan wasn't in my bed like she was supposed to be. I can't remember if she went as soon as we got home but there wasn't a doubt in my mind that she was with Oz. All I can remember is that they had kept their hands on each other all night once we hit the club. I remember getting drink after drink and dancing on the floor surrounded my people I didn't know and not seeing the guys until we were moving between clubs or coming home. And even then it was always Fin who came to get me. 

I hit play on my heart break playlist. I definitely felt the tension back in my chest today. It was hurting a lot again. It hadn't really faded, but I kept myself busy so I couldn't think about it. I can't work out at this time. Its like 7am on a Sunday morning. The guys would go mad if I wasn't here when they wake up. I guess I'll just drown my thoughts out with way too loud music and a book. 

I grabbed my book and started down to the kitchen to grab some water before I could curl up in a chair somewhere in the living room. I'd still have a few hours alone before anyone woke up. 

The cold air from the house hit my bare legs and I was reminded I needed to change the heating to our winter settings. I hated being cold more than anything. But I wasn't pissing about finding some trackies. 

I turned the volume up when I could still hear my brain thinking. I didn't want to think. Silently, I tip toed down the stairs, missing the creaky planks of wood as I did. I opened the book and started flicking to the right page as I slowly crept closer to the kitchen and opened the door. 

I stepped in and furrowed my brow at the lamp on in the corner of the room. I must have left it on before we went out last night. I might read over there though. I'll leave it on. I turned the page, realising I was on the wrong page and dropped my book when someone pulled my headphone off. 

"Jesus christ you shit me up." I bent down and grabbed my book before standing up and looking across the island. Oh. Great. 

"I did say Hi a few times but you couldn't hear me."

"Sorry." I grabbed a glass and filled it with water before quickly turning to leave. 

"Don't go." I stopped in the space between the kitchen island and the door. I could feel my face heating up, just being in the room with him. His voice, the same but so different. Hallow. I don't know if that explains it well, but it felt empty. 

What do I do? Keep walking or turn and face him? On one hand, walking wasn't going to fix anything. It wasn't going to undid how I fucked us up. But turning to him and talking to him isn't going to help get rid of the feelings I have for him. I can only move on if I forget about him and I can't do that if we talk. 

"You're over thinking again." I slowly turned to face him as he sat on the stool and pushed his bowl further into the island. What was it with this guy and eating my cereal in the early hours of the morning and ambushing me in my kitchen? "You dyed your hair." 

"Yeah." I gave a half hearted smile and tucked it behind my ear. 

"It looks good on you." I looked down at the floor quickly. Stop it Loz. I looked back up at him and sighed. 

"I'm just gonna-" 

"I said don't go." He slowly stood up. "Please don't leave again. I don't like watching you leave. Not when I want to talk to you." I sighed, taking in a deep breathe in the hopes it would ease the tightness around my ribs. It didn't. "You can't sleep?" 

I brought my eyes up to his as he walked a little closer but kept some space between us. I was trying to calculate where he could be before he would be able to reach me and I'd have to leave or move myself. I shook my head slowly and he gave a single nod. 

"No one night stand tonight I noticed." I didn't respond. "Any reason for that?"

"Didn't feel like it." My voice was quiet again now. I'd like to think he thinks its so I don't wake anyone up but I don't think he's that dumb. "Look if you're going to start this whole trying to get in my head thing-"

"I'm not."

"Good because it's too full right now I don't think there's any room for you to push in." He chuckled slightly and leaned back against the island. Putting his hands on either side of him and gripping tightly.

"You're so funny."

"I'm not. People just think me being honest is me being sarcastic." I let my hand with the glass finally move down to my side and he watched as I moved my grip on it. It was getting heavier with every second. He leaned forward and slowly took it from me, putting it on the unit behind him.

"How have you been?" He finally spoke after what felt like forever but it was probably only a minute.

"Great yeah. You?"

"Liar."

"I'm not lying."

"Yes you are. I know your tells."

"Oh yeah?"

"Yeah I do." His voice was starting to perk up now and it was easing the tension. "You pick your thumb nail with your index. You stare into the persons eyes and stand perfectly still without even taking a breath. And you reply at the perfect time so people wouldn't suspect anything unless they knew you like I do."

"I don't do that." He looked down at my thumb where low an behold I was doing exactly as he'd said. I scowled and put my hands behind my back as he let out a small laugh. "You didn't answer me."

"Neither did you."

"I did. I told you I was fine."

"A lie is not a response."

"It is. You asked a question and I answered it."

"Not truthfully."

"I answered."

"Charlie." He tilted his head to stop the back and forth. "You're not okay." I swallowed and lowered my brows slightly.

"I am absolutely fine Noah." I went to grab my water but he grabbed my wrist, making me look up at him. His grip was tight, he didn't want me to pull out of it. But it wasn't so tight that it was hurting or I felt on edge. It was his touch doing that to me. 

"You know Fin told me right? About everything you told him after that weekend. He told me last night."