Charlie.- Completed

eighteen

I dropped my bag by the front door. It had been a long day and topping it off by telling David I was going home just made it even longer. He was fine letting me go, just worried I'd be back on his doorstep in a few days in the same state. He gave me a key. Just incase I needed it. 

"I'm home." I shouted into the quiet hallway. After speaking with Fin, he'd pulled me back to the boys who were waiting just inside the doorway into Uni and then pulled us all into an empty room he found. 

A lot of shocked faces as Fin spoke for me and I'd pulled my jumper over my hands, sitting on a table with them surrounding me. I'd never ever wanted to have that conversation. I would have happily gone my entire life without them knowing I'd been cheated on because people didn't trust me around them. That guys had called me a whore for play fighting with my best friends at 14. I never wanted to tell them about the rumors and whispered I still heard on a daily basis about us. 

They had taken it pretty well, all things considered. Harry had to step out and take a breather. I could see he was angry, it was plastered all across his face. Fin had stopped him raising his voice, He wasn't angry at me. He kept saying that, just that I'd gotten so hurt over people's stupid opinions and it had effected my life so drastically and I never once mentioned it to them. 

"We're in here Loz." I dropped my keys onto the table and slowly walked to the living room, leaning against the door frame and watching the 5 of them playing on the gaming system. 

"You okay?" I turned my head to Alfie who was sat with his laptop on his knee and books dotted around him. I nodded and turned back to the TV. 

"Come sit." 

"I'm gonna go get changed. I'll be back soon though." 

Everyone's voices were quiet and slow. Like none of us wanted to talk about it anymore. We didn't want it to affect our relationships. But every single one of us knew it would. And we all hated that. You could see it already. It's like I'd lost all of them in one instant and it was hurting almost as much as Noah was.  

I turned slowly, playing with the chipped nail polish as I walked back down the hallway and up to my room. Laying on the bed as soon as I was alone and just staring at the ceiling

I felt like the overwhelming emotions had made it impossible to untangle myself from them now. It was everything all at once and the only positive I could find was at least this was rock bottom. Not a lot more could go wrong right now. And that was bringing me some kind of obscure comfort. 

I stayed there, my eyes staring at nothing. The blur of the world making seeing impossible. I only spoke for the knock at my door. Answering slowly. 

"Come in."  The door creaked slightly as it opened. I could see the light of the hallway on the ceiling and the top of a shadow as the door closed behind them. 

"Long day huh?" I let out a short sharp breath at Fin trying to encourage the conversation. 

"You can say that again." The room fell silent again, only the creaking of floor boards to tell me where he was. The bed behind me dipped as he laid down so we were facing opposite directions but out heads were next to each other. 

"How are you feeling?" I turned to face him now. He looked exhausted. Like he hadn't slept in days.

"Best of my fucking life." I rolled my eyes and he chuckled. "At least this is rock bottom though right?" I turned my head back up to the ceiling, sighing slowly.

"I mean it's not that bad." 

"You guys can't even talk to me now. It was pure silence when I stood there. None of you even turned to see me. Don't tell me our whole dynamic hasn't changed in 13 hours." I put my hands on my face, covering my eyes with my palms and digging my fingernails into my scalp. 

The dip in the bed beside me adjusted. 

"I don't think it's changed. I just think we're all trying to work out a solution in our head that can help." 

"There isn't anything. I don't care if I never have another relationship again as long as I've got you 5, I'm good. I shouldn't have fucking said anything."

"Loz. Look at me." He pulled at my hands but I just dug my fingers in deeper. I wasn't tripping down a hillside like he thought I was. I was freefalling. I'd been pushed from the plane and now I was falling without a parachute and it was sharp cliff edges below me. Hopefully I won't wake up from this though. "Loz." I sighed and pulled my hands back, turning to look at him. 

"We don't want anything to change us either. But if we have to stop being so full on around any guys you bring around then we can. It doesn't mean when you're comfortable with them we can't bring it back. We can see it from the guys side too. I mean it's why we don't bring girls around here when we're trying to see what's going on. There's only one girl any of us have brought back and you saw how that ended." He smiled at me and I sighed again. "And no that wasn't because of you. You had a one night stand leave that morning she was convinced." He chuckled. 

"Noah said you sung to him." I rolled my eyes and looked back at the ceiling. Nice switch of conversation there Finley.

"I had work to do and he wouldn't leave." 

"You don't even sing in front of us Loz." 

"He saw I was mad and didn't want to leave me alone. He was supposed to be working on his own things." 

"It's him isn't it?" I looked at him blankly. Watching his eyes as they searched my face. "The guy from the club is Noah right?" I carefully moved my head back to the ceiling again, letting out a gentle sigh as I did. "If you don't say no, I'm taking it as a yes." 

I nodded my head so gently that I wasn't sure if he'd even notice it. Judging by how he laid back down and sighed with me, I think he did. 

"It's so messy Fin." My voice was quiet, breaking at the seams. "I can't loose him again but being around him makes me fall for him even more and I'm only going to hurt him until he leaves." I turned my head with tears in my eyes. "It's a lose lose."