Charlie.- Completed

thirty

I stared at him as he played with the sleeves on his jumper. He was clearly nervous. 

His face looked sadder than the other boys. I don't know why. I hadn't seen him in 2 weeks and even then I'd only seen him on stage. 

"They're all inside." I nodded back at the door and he looked at me, still not moving. 

"I didn't come for them." 

"Then why did you come Noah?" I sighed and crossed my arms. I had made sure Fin had told him about me leaving as soon as possible. So he knew he had a limited time. So he knew if he wanted to take a chance he only had until I was leaving. "Because it sure as hell can't be for me. Not right now. Not when I'm leaving." He took a step forward and I took one back. 

"You had 2 weeks Noah. I've been here for 2 weeks and you've known I was leaving for at least 10 days. Are you really here to talk to me know when I should have left for the airport 15 minutes ago?"

"Why are you going Loz?" 

"Are you serious?" I put my head back for a second and quickly brought it back to him. "Do you know how much I've been hurting here? How I've not been able to sleep for weeks because this house is filled with you now. Everywhere I look, even if you're not physically here, you are, I see you in every inch of my fucking house and I can't get a break. And since you clearly don't want this anymore, I can't get over you when you're everywhere." I quickly wiped a stray tear from my cheek and sighed, looking at Ryan who was sat in the car down just a little bit down the road behind him. She could definitely see us. "I have to go Noah. I've a plane to catch." I moved around him, holding my breath. If I had to until I was in the car just so I didn't breath in his smell then I would. 

"Charlie stop." He grabbed my hand as I reached the gate and I spun around, shaking it from him. 

"Don't do this Noah. Not now. Don't stand here and tell me you wanted to come but you were hurt and confused and you just needed time. Don't tell me you want to come with me. Don't tell me I'm making a mistake in leaving because you want me now, that you realise it. Or even worse don't tell me that our whole thing was your biggest mistake. Because I'm hurting too much with you standing here and I don't think I can take it anymore." 

"I'm sorry Charlie." He moved closer. "I should have come sooner." 

"Stop it Noah." I stepped back so I was now in the middle of the path. I started walking backwards slowly and he followed me, one step at a time and keeping his distance. "I can't do this. Not now. I've spent 2 weeks, hoping and praying that you'd show up before today. Even if you didn't want anything, that you'd show up just to clear the air and talk. But you didn't. You didn't even come around to see the boys. You made them come to you. Not a single text, or a call, or even a fucking react on a story. Nothing. Not a word in 2 weeks after I stood there on that stage and poured my heart out to you. I wasn't expecting it to turn into anything Noah. I wasn't even expecting you to speak about it, but ghosting me for 2 weeks and then turning up out of the blue right now? You couldn't have even come earlier today? Or last night? You left it until the very last possible second and now I can't do anything about it because I have to fucking leave." 

I pulled open the car passenger door and stood staring at him, tears breaking free as I did. 

"I can't stay Noah. I can't sit here in this fucking mess anymore. I'm suffocating under the pain. And I wish. God I fucking wish you'd have come sooner. Because out of everyone you would have been the one thing to make me stay. You were the one person who would have made me cancel all of my plans. I'd have ruined everything for you, to have you." I gripped the car door tighter and Ryan started the engine, ready for the quick get away she knew I was going to need. 

"You're too late Noah." I looked at him for a few more seconds as my heart stopped beating. The look on his face was making this goodbye too hard. I just wanted to wrap him into my arms and tell him everything would be okay.  

I swallowed hard and slid into the car, closing the door behind me. I watched him as I fastened my seat belt and he walked closer like he wanted to stop me leaving. Ryan backed the car up and I watched as he stood up and the anger took over him as he kicked the tyre of the car in front of us. 

I continued watching him, turning my head until he was out of sight, and then I put my head in my hands and began to sob. We were about 20 minutes into the drive when I was able to calm myself. And it was another 5 minutes after that before I lifted my head up. 

I opened the window as wide as it would go and crossed my arms, laying my head on them as the cold wind punched me in the face as we drove down small country roads. I stayed there until I felt like my face was bleeding and I sat back, putting the window back up and sighing heavily. 

"You're going to be okay Loz."  I looked at Ryan but she kept her eyes on the road. " know you don't feel like it right now. But you will. And one day you'll ask us to bring him with us when we come visit and it will be like nothing ever happened." 

"I hope so." I sighed and laid my head back. This was going to be a long night.