nowhere to run

missing comfort, found again

𝖙𝖗𝖎𝖌𝖌𝖊𝖗 𝖜𝖆𝖗𝖓𝖎𝖓𝖌𝖘 𝖑𝖎𝖘𝖙𝖊𝖉 𝖎𝖓 𝖔𝖕𝖊𝖓𝖎𝖓𝖌 𝖆𝖚𝖙𝖍𝖔𝖗'𝖘 𝖓𝖔𝖙𝖊

☁️

sapnap genuinely doesn't think he has stopped crying once over the last two days.

his chest is physically burning and his head is throbbing from the inconsolable pain constantly shooting through it. he knows he needs painkillers, but he doesn't have the energy to move to get any, and it isn't like he can ask anyone to get them for him, so instead, he suffers in silence.

except, he isn't silent, because his sobs are loud and pained and his throat aches and his skin is itchy from the salty tears that haven't stopped soaking there.

for the first day after hearing the news, sapnap hadn't been able to speak. he was so unexplainably distraught that he wasn't even able to form a single syllable, which proved to be a very difficult hurdle for punz, who was trying to help through a computer screen with nothing more than kind words and promises.

the second day, sapnap was able to manage broken splutters and incoherent babbles, but he still couldn't talk. his thoughts remained caged up in his mind, flooding his being and pulling weight on his heart as he continued to cry and cry and cry.

at one point, punz cried too, but sapnap thinks that was just because he was so hurt by seeing sapnap so distraught, rather than actually having anything to do with the phone call he'd had with his mom.

punz's crying had made it so much worse, because he wanted to be there but he just couldn't.

sapnap couldn't do anything.

and his lack of doing anything was becoming more and more of a concern to punz, who had practically begged him more than once now to get something to eat, or drink, but he couldn't.

the most movement sapnap had made over the last few days was shifting to the edge of his bed to mute the facetime and piss into old, empty water bottles, which still sat screwed shut beside his bed. he lied to punz, saying that he left the room to piss whilst he was on mute, because the blond was trying so desperately not to break the lockdown rules and he knows that the knowledge of sapnap's living conditions would break him.

and, as much as sapnap wanted punz here with him, he didn't want to make the blond test his morals like that.

still, punz had never once left the phone call. currently, the timer read twenty-one hours, but it would be significantly longer if it wasn't for their decision to switch from discord to actual facetime.

punz had been sleeping on call and sapnap had been muting then too, just so that his lover could rest peacefully whilst he continued to cry out brokenly into his pillow, waiting with a hole in his heart until punz woke up again, apologising for sleeping and returning to his attempts at consoling the ravenette.

now marks the third day since the call, and sapnap has just about found his voice again. it hurts to talk and he sounds scratchy and rough, but, now he's able to articulate proper sentences, he just can't stop, and punz has listened patiently since the moment he woke up until now, when he's sat in his lounge eating soup for lunch.

"it'll be okay love," the blond tries to comfort, and sapnap can't even remember what it is he'd said to provoke that reaction, his mind running too fast from one thought to next.