The Insomniac's Journal (mha fanfic)

Unsteady Mornings

Aizawa shot up, sitting upright in his bed. His breaths were quick and shallow as his glowing red eyes were shinning ever so lightly in the pitch-black room as Erasure buzzed through him. His heart was racing.

When I need Erasure it wouldn't work but look at it now. He thought trying to draw his mind away from that vivid dream he had just awoken from.

The tears who had been the only things blurring the visions, as futile as that attempt was, now began to fall and Shota quickly wiped them away. The sickening faces popped back into his mind and he ran to the bathroom. Only then did he realize he had not eaten yesterday or for a few days before then. He was now paying the consequences for actions he couldn't control as his stomach burned with pain.

Fucking idiot. He cursed at himself.

Shota sat there, now taking deeper breaths to calm himself as the taste of bile and saliva made themselves comfortable on his tongue. He was regaining his stability when an image, a memory this time flashed through his mind. He once more leaned over the toilet bowl and heaved.

Gross. He thought.

A deep heavy sigh escaped his lips as he stood up and flushed the toilet. He quickly rinsed his mouth before heading back into his room. He glanced towards the alarm clock and stared in dis belief for a moment before groaning because what else did he expect.

It was 2:45. He had gone to sleep only 2 hours ago and honestly Shota didn't have the right to expect any better. When you expect things from life you get disappointed unless you expect to get disappointed cause then if life disappoints you you still end up disappointed. Okay what absolute fuck was that. He thought.  Without complaint he walked towards his desk. Why did he come here again? Ugh. Annoyed, he grabbed his key set and went back into the bathroom. Once more he opened the safe.

His eyes scanned over the items with a malicious intent that would only bring harm to himself. Knives and blades of all kinds stared back at him, no different for the various bottles of alcohol. He rolled his eyes and they landed on a small bag. Inside was a box of cigarettes and a lighter last time he checked.

And his memory was proven to be correct as he opened it to reveal it's contents. Taking out one of each, he left everything as it was and left clean up for later. Whether or not he would regret that decision we'll find out later. For now he needed to be grounded, he'd pay the consequences for that later.

He was about to sit on his bed when his mind warned him against it. Nemuri or Hizashi could come in at any moment without any care or reason and him trying to get them out to avoid them smelling the tobacco would be odd. Who knows whether or not the smell will have subsided. Shota got up and went to the roof, not his best idea but can you really blame him with how shaken up he is.

The elevator made it to the fifth floor and Aizawa made his way up the stairs to the top of the building. He finally lit the cigar as he walked to the edge of the roof, taking a seat with his legs dangling over the side.

Jump.  A voice whispered to him.

He cringed at how much it sounded like the man who had been chasing him in his dream. Inhaling the smoke he thought back to what the woman had told him. "Don't worry this won't hurt a bit." She had said.

Lies. Shota knew everything hurt when it came to them. A phantom pain lingered on his cheek where he'd been 'knocked out'. It had been a dream but it had felt so fucking real Shota swears he felt the man's tight grip on his shoulder, the annoying breaths on his shoulder, and the rope burning his skin.

Why did he always have these kinds of dreams. Hizashi always talks about having dreams where he hangs out with friends, defeat the L.O.V., and the most random fluff ever. Nemuri's always talking about some unholy stuff in her dreams but to each their own. It's true they do complain about nightmares from time to time but Shota wishes just for one night he could have a good dream.