Psycho Killer

Thoughts

I wake up and a thousand thoughts run through my head.
Why did you let him?"
Why didn't you kill yourself? At least then you wouldn't be living in pain now.
Jj watches as i immediately rush to the bathroom.
I finish throwing up and then I drink some water.
She cuddles me until I fall asleep
I wake up screaming I'm sorry and failing my arms around
"Hey hey, it's okay! You're safe baby."
I get up and swing my legs to the side of the bed.
"I'm sorry"
"No it's okay baby"
"I've gotten used to saying I'm sorry at command"
"You have nothing to be sorry for"
She tells me as she hugs me from behind.
I get up and smile.
I get dressed and I have a shower
"Well done baby. You're doing amazing"
She tells me as I slowly eat some breakfast.
"Thanks Baby. I want to see the babies"
"Okay, I'll get your coat."
"Can't we just drive over. It's safer and I don't want to walk. I'm tried honey"
"Oh okay honey."
She grabs the keys and she drives us.
I cuddle my babies for hours.
I've weaned them off due to being away from them so long.
I put them to sleep myself and then we go home.
I get straight back into the bed.
JJ watches as she goes into the bathroom.
She leaves the door open so she can hear me and I can hear her.
"We have some people coming round tomorrow baby"
"Who?"
I question as I linger in the doorway with a panicked expression.
She finishes using the toilet and she flushed it
"Baby please tell me!"
I sob as I bite my nails.
She washes her hands and then takes my hands.
"A rape counsellor is coming"
"No no- I don't wanna talk about it!"
I sob as I walk away.
She suddenly sits me down onto the bed
"Hey! GET OFF!"
I sob.
She watches as I scratch at my skin.
She takes me hands
"Baby you're hurting yourself"
"That's the point"
I sob as I cling to her.
She lets me sob as she rocks me.
"I'm gonna let you sleep baby, if you need me I'll be watching tv"
She says once I've stopped the crying.
"Oh okay, love you"
"I love you more"