Psycho Killer

Remembering

Lane comes in and he ordered me.
"Take off your pants"
"What?! I'm- I'm pregnant, please don't!"
He yanks me further down in the bed as I plead with him.
I feel his hands touching me as I struggle to get free from underneath him.
I wake up in a cold sweat and JJ rises up.
"Hey, I'm here"
She rubs my back as I put my hand over my mouth.
"I'm going to-"
I rush to the toilet and hurl into it.
"Did you suffer with morning sickness?"
She asks me as she rubs my back.
I nod and then I rinse my mouth out.
I pull on a dressing gown.
"I'm not getting dressed today, I don't feel good"
"I know baby but you still have to see the counsellor , you can't get out of it"
Shit she knew that I was trying to cancel it.
"I wasn't trying to"
I lie as I eat a Graham cracker trying to combat my morning sickness.
She answers the door to Amelia and another counsellor.
"Hi Em, this is my wife Clara and she's a training therapist. Are you comfortable with her being here?"
I nod slightly.
"Okay"
"Thank you"
Clara smiles
We all sit down at the kitchen table.
"How've you been em? What happened to make you have another session after that long break"
I immediately start crying.
JJ looks so saddened by my reaction to the question.
"I can't tell them. Can you baby? Please? Don't make me say it!"
"It wasn't a break, she was kidnapped. She was raped by a psychotic doctor and he um- he got her- pregnant"
Amelia looks at me.
I'm completely broken down and my legs are shaking.
"Oh my god Em, that has to have been very hard but I want you to know that you survived! You are alive Em"
"I wish I wasn't"
I say as I sob.
JJ holds my hand tighter.
"Don't say that"
She tells me
"It's true. I don't want to live anymore! I had chances to kill myself in there after I broke a glass of water."
"I noticed that you had something on your arm baby when you were in the ambulance, what was it? You wouldn't show me"
"I carved my initials into it so that I could be identified if he- he killed me"
I pull up my sleeve and I show it to her.
"Oh baby"
She hugs me.
"OH BABY!"
He screams as he cums.
I pull back from JJ.
Amelia is writing some stuff down.
I'm clearly not fully present.
I fiddle with the bandages that are still on my arms.
I start to sob again.
JJ holds my hand.
"I- I had a chance to die and I didn't fucking take it! WHY AM I SO FUCKING STUPID!!"
I sob as I whack myself on the head
JJ restrains my arms.
"I think you guys should go, I need to take care of her by myself , I'm sorry"
"No no, let me hurt myself!!"
I keep repeating
Amelia and Clara leave.
JJ holds me in the same position
"GET OFF!!"
I screech as she holds me.
I can feel that my head has started to bleed.
"You're bleeding baby"
She tells me.
I put my hand to my head and wince.
She gets a damp cloth and she cleans my wounds.
She smiles at me whilst doing it
"Ouch"
"Sorry baby, I'll be more gentle"
She lets me feed the cats and then I snuggle into her on the couch.
She puts a plaster on my head
She lets me sob onto her as she rubs my chest.
She pats my bump and I smile at her.
I go to the bathroom as she watches.
I go to bed and then I can't sleep.
I toss and turn until I eventually fall asleep.
Lane puts his hands all over me and he teases me.
I'm awaiting him to start to rape me but he doesn't.
He just stares.
He fiddles with my nipple.
"What are you doing?"
"I'm having fun with your body"
He tells me as he start to rape me.
Yep there it is, that familiar pain.
I wake up and I go straight back to sleep