Psycho Killer

Hurting

I bite my fingernails as I shake nervously
JJ observes me
"Tell me what you're thinking?"
I shake my head and I get up from the dinner table.
She follows me into the bathroom.
"Can you get out?"
"No"
I pull down my panties because I'm pregnant and I need to go.
I go and she watches.
She stares at my legs which are all cut up and bruised from his sadistic hands
I pull my pants back up and go to wash my hands
Lane appears behind me in the mirror so I turn quickly.
"He was right there "
"Sh sh it's okay"
I sob into her shirt as she sways me from side to side.
I wash my hands and then we go back downstairs.
I scratch at my wrists until she takes my hand.
"Please don't hurt yourself"
"I'm not"
"You want to"
She holds me as I start to sob again.
"I'm sorry baby"
"Sh sh don't be sorry"
She lets me sob.
"Everything is just so hard for me"
"You should be proud that you're still alive baby because I am"
She informs me what time I have therapy tomorrow.
I continue to sob as she helps me into the bed.
"Try and get some sleep baby"
She tells me as she rubs my stomach.
"I love you"
"I love you more"
She replies as she kisses my forehead.
I pull the duvet up and I try to sleep.
I do but it doesn't last long because he appears
Lane walks in as I'm sobbing.
"What the fuck are you crying for?"
"I haven't eaten in days....I ran out of food. Please I tried to ration it but it failed!"
He smiles at me.
"You shouldn't have to ration it. Get up and I'll make you some food"
He holds me as I nearly faint.
He drags me out into the kitchen as I stumble.
He gives me food and I gladly accept it.
I hold my little bump as I eat.
"You're loving that baby already"
I frown slightly and continue eating.
I wake up screaming and JJ holds me
"Sh sh it's okay"
I stand up and I go for a shower.
JJ changes outside the door so that she can watch me.
She helps to dry me and she then rubs stretch mark cream onto my bump.
She gets me dressed because I've shut down completely.
I'm not speaking.
I'm not blinking
She tricks me into blinking and I stare at her.
She smiles as she makes me breakfast.
I eat the pancakes and then I lie on the couch.
I feel the babies move and fight the nauseous feeling from within.
JJ sits down beside me.
"You should start to get ready for therapy today baby"
"Okay"
I finally speak.
I get up of the couch and watch as the time goes by.
I put my black coat on and I grab my bag.
"Can we go shopping? Babies are making me crave stuff"
"Of course we can baby"
She smiles as I open the car door.
I put my bag into the back and I get in the passenger seat.
JJ drives to the centre and I sign in.
We sit in the waiting room and JJ places a hand on my bump.
Amelia and Clara come out.
"Hey Em"
"Hi guys"
I say as I shuffle off my seat.
I get up and we walk to the room.
I take off my coat and hang it up.
I sigh as I feel a sharp kick.
I sit down and beg JJ to sit with me
"Sh it's okay baby"
She tells me as I start ti cry and hold her hand.
She sits down beside me.
Amelia gets her notebook out and Clara sits down.
"Are you okay with Clara being here?"
"Of course"
I nod as I wipe a tear.
She nods and Clara smiles at me.
I take a deep breath before Amelia starts to talk.
"How've you been Em?"
"I haven't been sleeping much."
"Oh I'm sorry how come?"
"I keep having nightmares and also the babies kick pretty much all night"
She nods
"Can you talk about the nightmares?"
I look at JJ with panic and she nods
"I- keep hearing Lane's voice talking to me at first and then I can see him. Then he does stuff and I can't wake up until it's over"
She nods and writes it down.
"Are you still suffering from the suicidal thoughts?"
I nod as I sob.
JJ immediately takes me into her arms.
I cling to her and hide my face from Amelia and Clara.
"I feel lonely most of the time but the voices keep me company but they're a bad influence"
"Uh huh"
"I wanna go home baby"
I sigh.
"Alright"
JJ stands up.
"I'm sorry but we're gonna go"
"Okay see you in two weeks since we don't have a session until then"
I nod and I put my coat on.
I yawn as I get into the car.
JJ drives away and we eat dinner
I go straight to bed because I'm so tired.