Psycho Killer

Therapy

JJ smiles as I wake up.
"I was thinking we could go for a walk?"
"Okay yeah."
I reply dryly because I'm tired
We get and she helps get me dressed.
"Oh you have therapy today"
"You didn't tell me I have therapy!"
I walk away.
"Baby don't go? Come back!"
She pulls me close to her
"You need to go to therapy baby. You had a bad nightmare last night! You had an accident and I thought your waters had broken!"
"Did I?"
"I got you cleaned up when you were sleeping"
"I would've known!"
I sob
"You were out of it"
I hug her.
"I'm sorry"
I tell her
"Don't be sorry baby."
We go for a small walk after we ate breakfast.
We go back to the house and I get ready for therapy.
We go to the centre
"Do you want me to-"
"Please don't leave!"
I start to cry.
"Oh honey....I won't leave. It's okay Sh sh"
She rubs my back and I calm down.
We sit in the waiting room and then Amelia comes out with Clara
"Hello Em, is it okay if Clara sits in this session"
I nod slightly.
We walk into the room and we all get situated.
I feel so uncomfortable.
"How are you em?"
She smiles as she takes the lid off her pen.
"Good"
I lie.
"You aren't okay baby"
"Stop...I'm fine"
"Why do you say that JJ?"
I look at her.
I don't want them to question me.
"Emily has had very bad nightmares in the past but the one last night was worse."
"What was she doing?"
"She was kicking and screaming. She was whacking herself of the bed trying to stop him from strangling her that's what she was doing.
She had an accident and I cleaned her up once she'd calmed down"
"Oh Woah, I'm so sorry Em"
I look at everyone and they all seem so concerned for me.
I just want to go home.
I don't wanna be here anymore.
"Em....hey."
I snap out of it.
"What?"
I question.
"What were you thinking?"
"I want to die, okay! I don't wanna be here anymore!"
I start to sob and JJ moves from her seat to mine.
She holds me and I sob into her back.
"What makes you want to die?"
Amelia questions as Clara writes stuff down.
"Everything! I hate my fucking life!"
JJ looks hurt by my statement
"I love you JJ but I feel like you'd be way better off without me. I drag you down each day. You never get to fully sleep because of me! You are so scared of loosing me and all I want to do is to die. I don't care how, I just wanna die"
"Baby baby, you're spiralling. I love you and I'm never going to leave and you're not either. You're going to stay"
She holds me tightly.
Amelia and Clara both are writing.
JJ looks at me with a tear falling from her cheek.
"I'm not a person, I'm now a problem!"
I sob.
"Sh sh honey....honey deep breaths"
My breath becomes laboured and I can't catch it.
She makes me follow her breathing and then she stands up.
"I'm gonna take her home."
"Alright, see you guys in two days"
She takes me outside and I melt into her arms.
"I can't do it anymore"
"Yes you can baby. I believe in you"
She helps me into the car and she puts the seatbelt on me as I stare at the dashboard.
We go home and there's a deafening silence once we arrive home.
"Baby...talk to me"
"No"
I say as I shake my head and I tread up the stairs.
I start to sob as I attempt to close the door but JJ forces her way inside.
"Get out"
I cry.
"Baby we need to talk!"
"NO PLEASE...I HATE TALKING ABOUT STUFF!!"
I sob and I collapse in a heap on the floor.
She gets down beside me and hugs me.
I sob into her shirt.
"Sh I've got you...you're safe with me"
She cradled me like a child as she rubbed my bump.
"I love you"
I tell her before I fall asleep.
"I love you more"