Psycho Killer

Planning

I wake up safe in JJ's embrace
"Last night was amazing...it really helped"
"I'm glad baby"
She kisses me and we both get dressed.
We go downstairs after feeding the cats and we eat breakfast
We plan to stay in today
I stare into her eyes as she eats.
I slowly eat and then I stop.
"I-I don't know how you do it"
"Do what baby?"
"Enjoy life"
I frown as I clean my plate
"I enjoy life because I have you baby"
She hugs me from behind as I start to sob.
I place my head into her chest as she sways me lightly from side to side
We go about our day as normal
"You have Amelia tomorrow baby"
She turns to me as she fiddles with my hair.
I know that I won't be there and today will be my last day on earth
"I- I want you to fuck me"
I suddenly say
"Are you sure baby?"
I nod and she starts to go down on me fast on the couch
I can feel my body squirming wanting to give in.
"Baby...please...slow down"
I whisper in between deep breaths.
She slows down and she does everything right but it feels so wrong
"Please stop!"
I cry out.
She immediately pulls her head back.
"I'm such an idiot!"
I rush away from her and I head upstairs.
"Baby...I'm sorry, it's okay"
She tries to hold me but I hurry into the bathroom.
I slit myself and take a shit load of pills
"It's all my fault"
I cry when she's at the other side of the door.
"Please baby, open the door?"
"No...let me die"
"Baby, you've hurt yourself! Open the fucking door!"
I shake my head rapidly and I keep repeating No as I watch the blood flow.
I let the blood spread and a sea of relief spreads over me.
Suddenly, that feeling stops.
I look around as my vision blurs
JJ has kicked in the door and now she's holding a rag to my arms to try and stop the bleeding.
"Stay with me baby"
She repeats
"Let me die"
I keep repeating as she calls an ambulance with one hand , her other is coated in my blood.
Her white tank top soon turns crimson because she's rocking me and the blood is spreading.
The paramedics arrive and I pass out before they can treat me.
I can hear voices.
"Save her??!!"
"No pulse, starting compressions!"
That's the last thing I hear before I fade into eternal blackness
I feel safe and at peace

JJ's POV

They wheel her into the Ed and they sit me down.
"I'm sorry but she died. The babies have died to.We couldn't get her heart to start again in time to save the babies"
I stare at the paramedic with tears in my eyes
"She- she can't be"
"I'm sorry"
I end up screaming out in pain.
I've just lost my wife and my unborn kids.
"How could she do this to me?"
I sob as I cling to the paramedic.
"She- she was in too much pain"
"She finally succeeded and she- she took the babies with her!!"
I sob.
My parents rush in.
I immensely break down again and I am swarmed by them
Their arms swallow me and comfort me.
"I'm so sorry baby"
I see her body and her pale face stares back up at me.
Her beautiful body has been cut open in an attempt to save the babies.
"She- she wanted to be cremated."
I whisper to the medical examiner.
He nods and he writes that down.
I kiss her forehead and then I get to hold the babies corpses.
It feels surreal.
"They- they should still be in her"
I sob
"They had to try to save them honey"
My mom rubs my back as I kiss them each on their foreheads.
The ME comes back
"Turns our Emily also had taken an overdose of her iron pills and she has also taken some Panadol"
"How- how didn't I notice?"
"She was good at hiding it"
My mom tells me
I nod and I leave so that they can cremate her
I go home with my parents and I see Sloane, Lux and Grayson smiling
"Where's mommy?"
They questions not knowing what happened.
I tell them and they start to cry.
I embrace them
"But we're going to be alright"
I tell them as they nod
We get them settled eventually and then I sob.
I go to bed and I just sob
I have to live without my darling Em.
I can't do it.
I want to kill myself but I can't leave
I can't leave the kids alone
I won't let history repeat itself
I can't do that to my parents
I can't turn into my sister Ros.