Doing alright // Hardzello

Chapter '39

It takes a few weeks for them to settle into a normal pattern. Ben started a project while Joe was close to wrapping up his project. Ben offered Joe to move in with him again. As Joe was basically already doing that, he didn't feel the need to fly to Los Angeles to retrieve all his other belongings immediately. Joe has been home a few weeks when he started to notice how late Ben came home each night. Joe usually was already in bed when Ben walked into the bedroom. Sometimes, Joe could see Ben's exhausted and bloodshot eyes before Ben tried to fall into a restless sleep. They only really saw each other in the mornings. That was usually the time Ben tried to practice all the lines of the scenes they were about to film that day. Joe noticed that Ben had been eating poorly and not taking proper care of himself. So, today he has decided to change that.

When the front door finally closes Ben lets out a loud sigh. The past three weeks have been so intense. Every day he would leave early and come home around 1 or 2 am. There always happened something on set that caused him to be extremely late. He lets his bag drop on the floor before hanging his jacket. He lets his forehead rest against the wall while the first tears make their way down his face.
"Sweetheart?" A voice comes from behind him. Ben quickly brushes his tears away. After that, he turns around to meet Joe's eyes.
"Hi, honey. Did I wake you up?" Ben asks. Joe takes a step forward so he is closer to Ben.
"Please don't pretend like you weren't just crying," Joe says. Ben shoots him a sad smile.
"Sorry."

"Come into the kitchen with me? I made you some grilled cheese sandwiches," Joe says. He holds out his hand for Ben to take. Instead of saying anything, Ben takes Joe's hand. He lets himself get dragged to the kitchen. Joe pushes Ben towards a chair before walking over to the toaster. He had prepared the sandwiches so that he could put them into the toaster as soon as he heard Ben pull into their driveway. Joe walks over with two glasses of tea he made before grabbing the plate of sandwiches. He places them in front of Ben. Whose eyes are red and puffy.
"Why are you even still awake?" Ben quickly grabs a sandwich.
"I haven't really seen you the past few weeks. And I felt like you needed me to be there for you. Plus I wanted to give you a different dinner than cookies," Joe explains. Ben shoots him a smile. Although that smile doesn't reach his eyes, Joe knows which thought is behind it.
"Thanks. This is delicious."

Joe quickly put the dirty dishes in the dishwasher. When he is done, he walks over to Ben. He gently pulls him up from the chair before wrapping his arms around Ben's back. Ben can't do anything when the first tears start flowing again. He feels Joe tightening his grip a little. Normally he would have felt embarrassed by this, but now he couldn't care less. The amount of relief he feels to let all of his frustration out is shaking.
"I'm here for you," Joe whispers. Instead of answering, Ben places a hand on the back of Joe's head to gently pull him closer.

When most tears are gone, Joe pulls away far enough to meet Joe's eyes.
"What if we lay down on the bed so we can talk?" Joe asks. Ben doesn't know if he can talk. So, instead, he nods.

They rush through their nighttime routine before crawling into bed.
"Sorry about that. Work is crazy at the moment," Ben says. He lets his back rest against the headboard.
"No need to apologize. That is actually something I wanted to ask you about. Recently you have been apologizing a lot and you seem more distant than you normally are. Is there something going on?" Joe asks while moving to sit next to Ben. It stays silent. Joe turns to look at Ben, who is staring at the wall across the bed. Ben sighs.
"No, nothing to worry about," Ben says.
"Ben, please tell me," Joe says. He knows there is more. It stays silent even longer this time.
"I am just so scared that I'll fuck up again. I am afraid that if I start something too soon or if I do something wrong, you'll leave me. I can't handle you leaving again." Ben hiccups while another wave of tears washes over him.

Joe reaches out to pull Ben closer. He pushes Ben against his chest. Ben's ear is pushed somewhere close to his heart.
"I feel like I need to prove myself constantly. With everything I do, I am constantly thinking about how you'll react to it," Joe holds Ben even tighter.