Bloody Secrets

CHAPTER 37

ELEANOR

I spent the whole night next to Lucas and when he was able to fall asleep, I got up to get a blanket and put it on him; being afraid he might get cold.

I tried to sleep hugging Lucas but it was all useless. My mind always brought me back to the same point, to reflect on my biggest mistake... Mattheo.

The darkness had taken possession of his body but this time also of his soul. The hate he had, it had so blinded him that he joined evil itself. His father.

But what hurt me the most was that he rejected my heart, trampling on it without any restraint. I always went against everyone for him and I was proud of what I believed in because Mattheo Riddle was the only one who believed in me, the unique to make me feel like a woman and to make me appreciate the beauty of life but when he started a new life for him, mine ended.

He taught me a value he didn't believe in, love. The moment I realized I fell in love with the boy with the black heart was also the moment I lost him. After a long time I admitted to myself that I loved Mattheo.It was a pure feeling, I felt my heart lighten from a huge weight but an unfillable void was formed in me. Aware of the fact that I would not have had my happy ending.

I had to accept the fact that Mattheo wasn't ready to open his heart to another person and I believed he would never be ready for that step.

Lost in my thoughts, I was brought back to reality by the grip that Lucas exercised on my hand. He was sleeping but something was bothering him so, instinctively, he squeezed it even tighter as if he didn't want to let me go. I brought my other hand to his, stroking it, hoping to make him understand that I wasn't going anywhere. It was a promise.

MATTHEO

"I begged you not to take this step but you did. You chose your father's darkness over my good heart, so do what you want. I don't care anymore."

Her words kept pounding my head. I had crossed the line, hurting her deeply with my decision but what else could I do?

The old Mattheo would have been happy to have become a Death Eater, but now, I wasn't at all. This is because everything had gone into the background since Eleanor arrived.

I wasn't happy either with having to see my father and do his commands but to get what I wanted, it was necessary to take this step. Everything has a price and mine was precisely that of losing the girl who had brought only joy to my life, a pure feeling never felt before.

I could be selfish but I chose to distance her from me so as not to involve her in this situation.

I'd rather watch her shine from afar than stay close to her ruining her life.

I knew an imminent war was coming, bringing destruction and tears with it and I couldn't promise to stay by her side for the rest of her days as I wasn't sure I had my forever...anything can happen during a war.

The pain she was feeling now was like winter, cold, dark and raw but we all know it doesn't last forever, however, if I continued to be with her the pain would only increase.I could not allow her to suffer for me in my eventual disappearance.

She had to go on living.

The only thing that mattered to me was that she continued to breathe and shine as only she could. Whatever happened, I would continue to live in her. Her heart would become my heart and my soul would remain in her,always guiding her towards the lighted road.

The sun was rising and since Tom was still sleeping, I decided to take a long shower. I went to the bathroom and began to take off the suit I was wearing and then get into the shower. The hot water touched every single part of my body, warming it completely. Even though at that moment the only warmth I needed was that of Eleanor's angelic body.

I wished to hold her close to me even if just for an instant, even for just a second, feeling her mine for once more.

I placed a hand on my chest thinking back to the first time she was mine. I was also her first kiss, her confidant ... the only thrill to touch her soft skin. Her first man.I wiped away the water that ran over my eyes and instinctively looked at my arm, where that cursed mark was. The salvation and ruin of my life. At that moment I felt disgust with myself, for joining my father.The sense of guilt was invading me and I began to breathe hard. How could I? I'd just ruined my fucking life. I... I'd messed up.

The only right thing to do was run away with Eleanor and live a life together but I didn't. I had chosen the hardest street when Eleanor offered me her heart.

I took the soap starting to spread it on the sponge and with all the strength I had, I began to rub it on the mark. I felt dirty and wanted that stain to disappear but it was all in vain.Blood started coming out of my arm however hard I pushed but the mark was still there. It felt like he was looking at me and making fun of me.

I had lost the biggest game...the game of saving myself.

I collapsed to the ground and let myself be carried away by silent crying. My tears mixed with the water, covering them completely.

My heart started pounding so hard that it hurt me and there, in the middle of the water, I regretted the pain I had caused Eleanor.

I got up and got out of the shower starting to dry myself and then put on my school uniform. Another horrendous day had begun and many more awaited me, more chilling than the previous one.

When I was ready I left the bathroom and found Tom intent on getting up.

"Finally you woke up."

His eyes were still closed from sleep. "You're the one who always wakes up early. It's different."

"Hurry up. At least let's go to breakfast."

I threw his uniform at him and Tom, annoyed, went to the bathroom to get ready. After a few minutes we left the room together and headed to the Great Hall.

When we arrived the hall was already full of students which was strange since it was still early in the morning. We sat down at our usual table and I started eating even though I wasn't very hungry.

A ray of sunlight entered through the windows, blurring my vision and when it began to get smaller, it stopped on the Gryffindor table, thus revealing Eleanor's figure. It seemed as if that light wanted to warn that she was there. Everyone laughed and joked while Eleanor was staring into space.

Her silence was louder than the shouting of the students.