In-between Love Sweat And Tears (Loki Short Stories And One Shots)

Recovery

It took a good week for you to get well enough to be able to stay in an actual bedroom and not the medical bay.

But Loki was watching you like a hawk, and a super strict doctor.

Food was the main worst thing for you. Having to eat or at least almost match what your calorie intake had to be so you could heal properly, you had been given the smallest portions throughout different times of each passing day. Soft peeled fruits, peeled vegetables, yogurt(unflavored and sugar free with protein, you hated it), and tons of liquids. You hadn't made it to being able to eat protein yet, and anything bread or bean like was completely out of the question.

You also were banned (by Loki mostly, but everyone else too) to use any of your powers to do anything. Darkness was recovering from the attack and the toll it had taken for her to use so much of herself at once, and having Cerena be part of you now was definitely a convicted feeling as you didn't want to release her. So you were behaving.

The only other thing was how limited you were. You had to leave the bandages over your eyes alone for a few more days until the lighting wasn't hurting you so bad. The feeling in your hands was slowly getting back, but they were so sore that you didn't want to use them for anything. Your body temperature was regulating by now, but nauseating fevers had replaced the full body fevers, and they were induced only when you trembled. The seizures you had been having were very subtle now, and you were able to get through them by sitting down and breathing carefully. Or well, by breathing carefully and keeping still.

The perks of this ended up being the fact that no troubles had disturbed anyone, so you were able to do a lot of talking.

And you also got a lot of piggyback rides from Loki until you could see again. He didn't mind, he teased you with the fact that you were too accident prone to even sit on the couch properly without stubbing a toe. (When you tried to disprove him you ended up backhanding a wall and hurting your knuckles.) Baths with him were always relaxing, too, and your only concern was him picking out clothing for you that you couldn't see.

Talking with the others also helped, and one way or another you ended up making a mini group (a few mini groups) with Loki and Bucky due to the fact that you all had terrible lives that dealt with brainwashing and being 'bullied/abused' terribly by people. You wanted to call your group The Untouchables, but they both shot it down. Fortunately, you had another group with Thor, Peter, and sometimes Bucky again. You were the fun group. (Loki was always invited of course, and so was Tony, but Tony said you were idiots, and like champs you voted that that was the best name.)

Clint, Nat, Steve, and Sam were all the Chilly Peppers, seeing as how there wasn't enough emotion but plenty of attitude.

Tony, Bruce, and Vision were called The Meds. (For obvious reasons.)

Okay, all of the group names were terrible, but you loved it and everyone was okay with seeing you in a good mood from it, so they left it be, albeit questionably.

Today though, you were needing to talk about things. Or you wanted to, at least. You just didn't know how.

Laying on your back as the sun was just rising, you couldn't sleep the night before. You could hear Loki next to you, and he was already awake, just waiting on you to speak your mind. Scratching the back of your hand a bit, you sighed softly. "Y/N, your mind is going to explode if you don't let those thoughts out."

You hummed quietly, wishing you could actually see the sunrise as you felt the soft heat hitting your skin through the blinds. "Are you okay?" You ask quietly. "Of course I am." Quick to answer, Loki is paying full attention to you. "Have you actually rested, or have you just been taking breaks between watching me?" "I don't need to rest unless I'm bored or actually exhausted, darling.." You roll onto your side a bit before you're pushing yourself up more carefully into sitting up, and you feel Loki gently help you before he's having you lean against him. "I know how worried you've been, Loki.. that can stress anyone out into exhaustion fast enough." You mumble, folding your hands over your lap as they feel swollen despite not having anything physically wrong with them anymore, apart from the scars you had. Quiet for a moment, Loki gently rubs your hand, running his thumb over the ring that's never left your finger. "Is it problematic for me to be so concerned?" "Yes." Without missing a beat, you lower your head. "I know you mean well for me, for so many reasons, but.. But I'm fine. And, I want you to actually get some rest too.. I know you fear that... That Khao is going to come back out of nowhere again and you won't have a way of getting to me, to save me again.." "Don't say that name."

You turn your head towards him, the anger and hatred of Khao coming out with malice. Gently squeezing his hand, you lean your head back against his arm. ".. I'm not going to have my memories wiped, Loki. Not by you, or Darkness." You say firmly, and feel Loki's eyes on you. "What's happened has happened, and even though they're painful and very fresh memories, I'm not going to be scared by them. Not this time."

"Y/N, don't you understand how much more wrong the situation could have gone in both instances? I'm not the only one that is afraid of what can still happen." Loki encases both of your hands between his, and you feel his chin rest against the top of your head. "But I am the most. That creature..." You listen to him struggle on saying his thoughts, and speak up. "I know... I heard him saying all of that, that I'm your weakness and stuff, among the other things. So what, though? I'm fine, and he's lost to wherever. If he comes back, I'll be ready." "You weren't, though. None of us seemed to be even after months of training with you. Who's to say that you'll be ready if something else were to get in the way?" "I will be. You don't have to baby me, no one needs to baby me." "You're the one that's been hurt, Y/N. That's what he wanted. If you could have heard his thoughts.."

You shook your head. "It's not like I died. He isn't as tough as I am, and I can easily-" "You did die, Y/N! Just because you didn't this time doesn't mean you weren't at Death's doorstep not even two weeks ago!"

You jump, startled by this sudden outburst right in your ear from Loki, but he isn't done. "That despicable disgrace of a being isn't like the animals that you can just beckon from how you feel! He wants to kill you like a true predator, and you're acting like it isn't a big deal! It's like you're wanting to prove yourself as a force to be reckoned with, but he had plans to!-- Look at this from my point of view, Y/N. If it had been the other way around and you were in my shoes, how do you think you'd be handling this?" You hear Loki stop himself and question you instead, as there's emotions ranging from fear to straight anger coming out of him.
Reaching up carefully, you run your hand up his to his chest carefully before you can feel his heartbeat against your palm. It's racing, and his chest is softly rumbling from the shaky breathing he's trying to conceal. It was easy for him to never show his true emotions until he was talking to you. You kept your hand over his heart until he had calmed down.

You knew he was right, and you were being selfish for trying to play off everything like it had been nothing at all.

"I'm sorry, Loki. I know I shouldn't be acting so nonchalant about this, but... But every time it's you and everyone else having to protect me. Having to stay hidden, and not being able to live freely.. There's no other way to say it, but I'm a calamity in human form, and you've been tasked with dealing with me."

Loki moves, gently wrapping his arms around you and resting his head over your shoulder. "It's not some kind of job to be with you. We do need to work on this, though... I shouldn't let my emotions get the better of me. You are so easy to let my guard down around, but I shouldn't be yelling... You aren't a calamity, you're a saving grace to me."

You carefully move your other hand up, your fingers dancing against his cheek before you feel that it's wet, and gently run your thumb over his cheek to wipe the tear away. "I don't like making you cry, Loki... I don't like you being upset in any way, whether it's because of me or not. But I also know that I'd rather have you so mad at me because of being worried and having me know you care about my well being, than to not be here with you at all."

You keep your mind open to him, and start thinking randomly about how much worse or how different everything could have been, and how highly thankful you were to have him be in this life, in your life.

You could have never met. Or you could have died that first time. Or you both could have had different attitudes towards each other. Or Loki could have died. Or everything could have been reversed. What if you had ended up dating Thor? What if Loki had been married to another woman already? What if you were a cannibal?

Hearing him let out a soft sigh through his nose, you wish you could see the undeniable half smile he'd have on his face by now as you snapped out of your thoughts. "You are still so very odd."

Smiling, you carefully laid there with him, cuddled up against him as he caressed your back gently. "How much longer do I have to be blind?" You ask softly, reaching up carefully to touch the bandages. "Another day. Are your eyes bothering you?" You hum softly. "Other than wanting to actually be able to see you, I'm fine. On another few thoughts I'm having, how long do I have to keep my powers 'banned', and what about sex?" You had to ask that, and you feel him stifling a chuckle. "I... Hadn't thought about that. But not until you're healed, at least." "For my powers or sex?" "Both."