NEVER AGAIN . (SEBASTIAN - SDV)

CHAPTER EIGHTEEN

As I watched the ripples of glass shattering in front of me, drooling down the wall - my eyes reddened. Now awake, now in the kitchen, there I realise the consequences of that dream have left me. Where did Sebastian go? I don't know, but it was better than catching that face of his in this state of mine. This cannot be happening right now. No, this won't happen. Acknowledging any type of feelings with Sebastian should be unacceptable. I can't do this; this is forbidden to even worry about such a thing. I love you, I love you, I love you. No, no, no! I don't even know the guy—I barely knew him for a whole year—nor his favourite colour, and now the world is repaying me with this?! This is some dream, some joke. This was just cross-faded happiness, right? There is no way I could feel this, especially in this position. Holding me captive, always easily manipulated for him to tease me when I run to him, this was just a game to him, and I was falling for it.

But then, why did he spend the night? For all I know, he could've used me for a bed to sleep in before his stepfather clocks him. Yet, I wondered if he felt the same.

Robin ran down the stairs from the moment the last piece of glass gravitated to the floor. My ears rang, unable to hear her calling out for my attention. I felt... angry, fearful, disgusted—maybe comfort? Fuck, I don't know!

"Buffy, are you hurt?" The pitch increases, and the mess I created on the floor is staring back at me like I'm a joke. I stayed staring at it, feeling the weight of embarrassment pour down my spine as I realised where I was.

"No," I managed to answer. I thought I was going to start enjoying this change, not stress the fuck out. I hear ringing, ringing, ringing.

"Why don't you take a walk? It might clear your mind." Finally turning around, my eyes continued to narrow, and my breathing never seemed to regulate. But Robin's worry pushed my gaze away, and then blankness and silent embarrassment.

Knock Knock.

My eyes widened from the moment those sounds shook the cabin, now darting at the door to see who hid behind it. The worst possibility would be Sebastian, ready to make Robin pry on us—and no, I couldn't handle that—I wouldn't be able to handle him. I couldn't move again. I'm not ready to handle those eyes—those harsh-lined, intrigued-with-every-stare eyes. That hair, those strands that he moved around, kept hairstyles because of my opinions. His voice was monotone and raspy, with the right pitch of masculinity. His face, his body, his smell—

As I panicked, fantasised, and froze, Robin noticed and went to the door with eyes trying to connect to mine. They did, but only for a bit, as if she was trying to comfort the mess that's running around my brain. I wasn't sure if my head had ever been clean and calm; it has been too long without peace, yet this feeling conquers the rest. Maybe because it's the most recent feeling I'm handling. Sebastian shouldn't have this power over me, especially in the state of becoming a statue.

Robin twisted the lock, finally opening the door. Long blonde hair aggressively swished through the wind, maybe even hitting Robin's face. But the person's head peeked with a big smile, and Haley was in view. Automatically, she noticed my state. I wasn't sure what I looked like—apart from the party outfit still attached to my body. But that face said everything, as if I'm some mess from an asylum, ready to start a riot, and by the looks of what was behind me, the broken glass was the red button to start.

The eye contact that flickered between Robin and Haley was automatic before Robin handed me a robe—grandpa's robe—that was once hanging from the coat rack. I caught it despite my frozen, tingling body and made my way out, wrapping myself before the cold brushed onto my legs.

I would assume that staying indoors was better when peace was something you craved. But as the front door closed behind me, with Haley by my side, it was silent. Quiet, no heaviness. It felt supernatural, indeed.