My Addiction is You

24

Later that night, Lavinia and her friends were up talking about politics. Y/n was half asleep listening to Emily scribble on paper, she was tired and kept drifting off, Emily insisted she went to sleep but Y/n didn't want to. "I'm fine. I'm not even tired.." She trailed off at the end, resting her head on Emily's lap. "No you go to sleep, I'll go see what Lavinia is up too." Emily said as Y/n moved her head off of Emily's lap and it hit the pillow. She ler out a 'pff' as she leaned into the pillow Emily kissed to top of her head before covering her with the blanket, she mumbled something incoherently as Emily slipped back into her dress and walking to Lavinia's door the floor creaked under her feet.

She opened Lavinia's door and walked up, closing it behind her "Emily your not in your nightgown?" Lavinia asked confused as Jane turned towards the door to look at Emily.

"Where's Y/n?" One of the girls in the room asked, well I mean Y/n is normally with Emily "she's tired, so she's in my room" Emily responded as she slumps in her chair. Emily was glad no one has brought up the fact that they sleep in one bed, or that I don't know....they get her, her own bed or bedroom. Emily was happy it hasn't come to her getting her own room. But she would be a whole house away in a few weeks. Sue and Austin would be married the to lovers would official be sister and they love is forbidden and if it was frowned upon that they were women. It definitely would be now that they were sisters.

"No nervous about the election results?" Lavinia asked as she looked from her friends to Emily, But she shook her head "no" Emily grabbed an the quilting good with cloth in it, she started wrapping the thin thread around her finger that was meant for  embroidery, as she listened to everyone talk. She wasn't in a happy mood after the event of today. "Do you really think the south will secede?" "No way. They don't have the guts"

"There are too many aligned interests at stake. It would be economically devastating for everyone." Lavinia explained, Jane piped "I don't know, guys. I think they might. And then we're gonna have a civil war." Emily looked down at her hands

"We're definitely going to have a war" Emily spoke up "see? Even weirdo agrees with me." Jane said after a moment, everyone laughed "there's gonna be a war.....and a million men will die...and then a million snowflakes will fall on their graves." Everyone stared at Emily in shock..

"But how do you know?" The girl with bows in her hair asked. "I know someone.....who knows theses things." She said quietly. "Who?" Jane asked

"Death"

Everyone went quite as they stared at Emily, everyone had puzzled looks on their faces. Until lavinia spoke up breaking the silence "Well, anyway, I wish I could vote" she said causing all the girls to giggle except Emily. "Okay now let's talk about boys" the four girls giggled and went into talking about boys. As Emily embroidered the world's Fuck my life into the cloth she was still doing the word fuck on it.

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The next day, everyone sat at the table, the whole table was buzzing "Emily could you pass the salt" Sue asked, Mrs Dickinson asked how the girls slept as she poured the tea. Ben was talking to Emily, Y/n sat next to Sue on her right side. "Em can you pass the butter please?" Sue asked for Y/n who hadn't touched her toast "why don't you eat, Y/n?" She shook her head, she had a sick feeling in her stomach, she didn't think she could eat.

"Are you okay, you look pale?" Sue whispered concerned for her sister as she held the back of her hand to the younger Gilbert's forehead. "I'm fine Sue" she muttered but left her plate untouched. Y/n did take notice of the pair of eyes looking at her from across the table. She looked across and Emily was staring at her 'are you okay?' she mouthed worry etched on her face. Y/n nodded and smiled a little, when Emily smiled back and looked away it didn't help the sick feeling that nodded inside her stomach like two snakes fighting. "Well, let me attempt to take everyone's minds off of politics for a moment. I have a very special suprise. Susan? My beloved." He took a breath "I have taken it upon myself to ensure..that you and I spend no less than eternity by each other's side."

Jane let her knife and fork drop to to the table "okay, we know you're getting married." She stated annoyed. "No, no, what I'm saying is..I am digging up a dead baby so you can be next to me" everyone went silent the bread that Y/n picked up dropped from her hand in shock. Austin looked like the only one who was sharply about it. "I beg your pardon, dear?" Austin reassured his mother that it was legal at least he thought it was.

The newspaper was here, and Y/n stomach felt worse then it had ever been, know one gave to throughs about it when Y/n left the table apart from Emily who watch her retreating figure walk outside as she held her stomach. She stayed in place put looked at her sister in worry as she walked away and out the door. Mr Dickinson was frustrated about the election results not being in the paper. When he placed it down on the table, Emily reached over and took the paper looking at it. Her eyes scanned the paper for the poetry contest. Her eyes widened in shock and delight. When She her poem on the front page "You won! Austin you one the..." She lowered her voice so she wasn't shouting "the poetry contest."

She smiled as Austin took the news paper. Her father took the newspaper and began to read it. Emily mouthed the words to her poem, as he read it. Once it was done Emily smiled proud of her brothers work. But when she found out that he changed the title she now felt sick. Emily walked outside to find Y/n but she couldn't so she sat under the archway again listening to the sounds of nature.

Heavy footsteps took her out of the trance. "So you entered the contest?" He asked Emily shook her head and scoffed "not exactly" "you won." "No. Austin one." Emily remindered him. He sat down next to her and past her the newspaper "did you check if Y/n won?" Emily seized up at her name, she knew she should go look for her girlfriend. She should. But she was to in her own mind to look. Emily knew she didn't eat at breakfast. I am the worst girlfriend in the world Emily through to herself.

Ben and Emily talked before Emily opened the news paper, she was nervous. She flipped to the front page, she looked at the song category, but no winner was announced. Emily sighed "I should go find her and tell her." Emily stood up "thank you" she said to him before letting go of his hand.

Emily walked down the orchard looking for Y/n, she found her sitting in the tree, her back against the branch facing away from Emily. "Hey Birdy, now you really are living up to your name." Emily giggled, but didn't hear Y/n laugh. She just sat still her head leaning against the branch, her breathing was settled and calm. "Love, talk to me?" Emily said as she climbed the branch to sit next to her. "I am a failure." She said Emily looked at her hand in it was a newspaper  "you're not a failure." Emily stated firmly, her brown eyes boring into Y/n Y/E/C irises that welled up with tears.

"yes I am, my talents are useless and unneeded, I should just Marry a man, settle down, become a housewife, and raise his kids, then I am an ornament and you have more time with Ben" Y/n said "no you can't get married and become a housewife" Emily grabbed the writers face, she now only just noticed it was glistening with tears.

"They haven't even posted the results yet, so you can't give up, your talent is who you are?" Emily spoke, she craned her neck to look Y/n in the eyes. Y/n was aware she didn't say anything about being with Ben and it made the jealous and doubt put grown more and more, from the looks, to the laughs.

Y/n bit her lip, it was a a habit she always had, whether she was nervous, angry, thinking, or whatever. but it lessened when she met Emily. Emily moved her thumb gentle across the women's lips, slowly pulling her bottom lip away from her teeth. The gave her a tiny kiss to stop her, she knew they where only a little ways, away from the house.

"Your music is who you are? Okay and that one of the think I love about you." Emily looked at her with a stern look, rasing an eyebrow playfully "okay, I love you too" Y/n said "that's my girl" Emily pressed another short kiss to her lips.

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I decided to give them some happines because I'm not feeling well today. So I need happiness