NOTHING CHANGES
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stella x fredrika
♡
THIRD PERSON'S POV:
Stella was a coward. In every possible meaning. She could joke around with Fredrika, she could hug her; sit her on her lap; feed her from her own plate; help her with her homework; sleep in the same room - occasionly same bed, too - with her; shower with her; change in front of, and watch her also getting changed... They literally shared their lives, and she could do it all. Pretend to be her best friend, look her in the eye day by dad, and lie into those innocent, shining, chocolate brown irises, because there was one thing she couldn't do; she couldn't bring herself to tell her. Even though she knew she should, a lot of their friends knew already, before she did, and it was selfishly unfair.
Sara knew - well, more likely, she found out by herself, - Maddie knew - because Maddie knew everything, - Wille knew - it's a long story, - and Henry also knew - it's an even longer story, and Stella wouldn't even have an idea of where to began. She trusted her friends, of course. Her worries weren't, because she didn't, but the risk, of Fredrika finding out, grew as the circle of her close friends did. After the jubilee, their friendgroup extended with Wille and Simon, and a few weeks later Henry and Valter joined, too. Well, only Henry, but they were a package deal, so Valter also began to hang out with them more often. It was weird at first. They used to be just the girls, and now, there were four boys, running inside their inner circle... Stella was sceptical about it for a while, but two of them were gays, and the other two were dumbasses, so nothing really changed. Which was good; Stella didn't like changes.
That's the answer of why she was so afraid to come out, and tell Fredrika about her feelings. No matter how she reacts, no matter how she feels; things will change, in a way or an another, and Stella was terrified of the thought. Yet, there she was; pacing around the room they shared, waiting for the girl to get back from the afternoon riding she went out with Maddie. They invited Stella, too, but she refused, blaming it all on her studies, even though she loved to spend time at the stables, with her horse, and with Fredrika, of course (Maddie's presence would only be a bonus).
She began to think trough the best and worst possibilities of the whole situation - again. She has been doing it for a week now. She was clearly stressing herself out by her own thoughts, and her state worryied everyone around her. Fredrika noticed something was up - of course she did, - and she asked about it, too, frequently reminding Stella that she can talk to her, no matter what it is, because they are best friends. And even though she had good intentions, her words always made the situation even worse for Stella. Because they were best friends, and she was about to ruin that. Everything; almost seven years of friendship could be thrown into the trash any minute now. There's a chance that Fredrika will hate her, and Stella won't even blame her for it. She kept the truth hidden away from her, she lied to her... Fuck, she even kissed her a few times, when they were drunk, and Fredrika would have every right to think that Stella just used their friendship as an excuse to be able to do all of that with her. There was no way Stella would survive that. Fredrika can hate her, fine, it would be fair; but not those accusations. They weren't true. It wasn't right. They were best friends long, long before the blonde began to develop feelings, and she didn't do a single thing on purpose. It wasn't just her fault that kisses happened, for fuck's sake! Fredrika didn't push her away, either...
Mistakes - that's what Fredrika called the things they did which were out the 'best friend' title, because that's what she thought they were. Harmless, innocent, little mistakes that hurt no one.
