APARTMENT 205 || K.H

a promise to be kept

You step into the lobby area, it's still as quiet as ever and suddenly, a feeling of pressure weighs down on your chest.

You're just making this harder for yourself, watching and taking in every detail of the place as if it's your first day here, as if it's that night.

Your heels click on the marble before you get into the elevator, you stare into the reflection of the mirror as it starts moving up.

~≪•◦ ❈ ◦•≫~

A lot of time passed since then. A lot has changed, and even so - why do you long for the comfort of what seemed like a good start to some banal love story ?

The love story of an ordinary girl and her mafioso roommate, something about that seems so dumb to you now. After all, what good did you really expect could come out of it ?

To a certain degree, you regret asking to be taken out that night - because maybe if you were never aware of Bonten, things could have gone smoother.

Or you could have avoided it all, all the hurt, you could have stuck with Wakasa and you would have never known the real him you learned was deranged.

Now he's dead, that's something you don't want to even process. And you choose not to, because there's no reason to feel hurt for it - even if it stings a little, after all you knew him for so long.

One small detail could have changed everything - If Sanzu never called that night, if the Haitanis never got in trouble, if - if if if .

You would have never pulled the trigger to save Koko, becoming a killer in the process , and you would have never joined Bonten in an attempt to keep Senju safe.

Senju wouldn't need to be kept safe, Wakasa wouldn't have attempted to harm her.

Wakasa wouldn't be dead, neither would the man you killed. You would have never been crawling on some basement floor with a gun in your mouth, learning everything you thought was true wasn't.

~≪•◦ ❈ ◦•≫~

When you reach the door showing the big 205, you don't hesitate before unlocking it.

The apartment looks exactly how the two of you left it, a pair of heels left next to the door alongside a pair of Koko's shoes.

When you step into the bedroom, you notice the bedsheets were left messy - a piece of your ripped up shirt still laying on the ground as a reminder of how the two of you left in a rush that morning.

The night before, the first time you managed to admit to yourself and to him that you were in love.

You take a seat on the cold floor next to the bed, feeling dizzy.

Because you can't just leave like this, can you?

Because everything that's happened up to this point already did so, regardless of the ' if's 'that are circling your mind.

The regret of it all, you want to call it that.

You didn't regret it, because if everything didn't happen the way it did - you wouldn't have gotten to experience everything that was good about it.

The warm mornings, the shared cup of coffee - the soft touches that held so much more care and affection than you would have ever thought he was capable of.

The laughter, the smiles, the kisses... the sex. Yeah, 'cause undeniably so, that was a good one too.

When did it all go wrong ? - you wonder.