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DAYS HAD PASSED SINCE DONNA'S MURDER, Shay had been staying at Jax's house since that night. She couldn't find it in herself to leave the comforts of Jax's home or his bed. Hell, she couldn't even find it in herself to be a mom to Leela properly at the moment. Every day was exhausting for her and just the thought of leaving the bed she had claimed as her own sent her already exhausted body and mind into overdrive.
Gemma had taken over watching both Leela and Abel when Jax couldn't, while Natalie and Kozik had postponed going back to Tacoma until after Donna's funeral, the older Miller sister hoping her extend presence in Charming would help her grieving younger sister but, she along with so many others who had tried to talk to woman was met with silence or incoherent noises.
Shay felt useless. It was as simple as that. She couldn't be a mother right now, she couldn't be a friend, and she sure as fuck couldn't have saved Donna. It ate away at her knowing that she should have just gone with Donna to get the ice. The guilt that wracked through her body was fierce and unforgiving. Maybe if she had gone to get the ice instead of Donna none of this would of happened. Maybe Donna would still be alive to keep being an amazing mother to Kenny and Ellie, and a loving wife to Opie.
The thought of Kenny and Ellie growing up without Donna made Shay's heart sink, and Opie going on without Donna by his side. It made the guilt even larger knowing she hadn't gone to see the Winston family since the night of Donna's murder. She wanted to be there for them but how could she when she couldn't even be there for Leela or herself.
A long sigh escaped Shay's lips as she ran a hand through her tangled dark hair, her watery blue eyes staring at the ceiling. She reached over with her free hand to the nightstand, feeling for her phone. No doubt in her mind there were missed calls and texts from Ben. It hadn't been fair that Ben had to deal with her grief this way either. She had been unfair to him, not talking to him or even acknowledging his presence after he broke the news of Donna's death but, grief was a bitch and this was the way Shay had chosen to deal with hers.
Three missed calls, two voicemails, and one text message stared annoying at Shay as though taunting her, demanding her to answer or at least listen to the voicemails that no doubt contained Ben's sad and worried voice. She quickly put the phone back, if she couldn't deal with her emotions there was no fucking way she could deal with Ben's as shitty as it sounded.
