Look at Me - H.S.

~ Chapter 3 ~

The past few weeks have dragged by at a snail's pace. Why is it when you're excited about something, time seems to stand still? The days are pretty much the same every week, work and housework is pretty much all my life consists of, other than my girls. I haven't really spoken to my mum since she announced she was stealing my kids from me for the summer, slight exaggeration, I know but I'm petty. What can I say? Mark has worked late more often than not and me and the girls have the same routine most days. Wow, my life is boring.

65 days to go.

This week however, things have been a bit different. We're now halfway through half term week so I'm making the most of having my two little besties by my side 24/7.

We went to the zoo on Monday. It was amazing, despite the cold weather, the sun was out which always helps. We've all been before but somehow are always awestruck by all the different animals. Seeing the girls faces when we come close to their favourites just made my heart swell.

I can still picture Elodie's face as we came towards the Gorillas. It was just the sweetest thing. Her smile took over her whole face and she bounced up and down on the balls of her feet the entire time.

Tuesday, we decided to go to the nearest country park. It's pretty basic but something about wondering around the woods in the rain with our wellies on just put a smile on all our faces. We were walking for what felt like hours, through the woods, across the fields getting soaked without a care in the world.

Today is going to be a duvet day. We've all had a wash and put fresh PJs on. I bought the duvet down from my bed and we're all currently cosied up on the sofa watching 'The Greatest Showman' - one of my favourite films. The fact that we all know every single word to every single song just adds to the fun, as soon as someone starts to sing, the volume gets turned up and we all do our very best to belt it out with as much passion as the actors themselves. 'This is me' has just finished and I'm turning the volume back down as I can feel Bailey's gaze burning into the side of my face. I turn to look at her and she just continues to stare. "I wish I could sing as good as you Mum" she breathes out. The smile slips from my face and my brows immediately furrow.

"What d'ya mean Bai? I can't bloody sing, I love to sing but doesn't mean I'm any good at it" I admit with a nervous chuckle.

"She's right mummy", Elodie pipes up. "Your singing voice is really beautiful. I love it when you do that thing where you randomly make up a song, like you do when you're cleaning or in the shower. You do it a lot."

I can feel the heat in my cheeks as I blush. "Oh" I laugh "that's just something silly that I've done since I was little, it's nothing. Ignore me" I brush it off and I turn back towards the tv.

We start to get engrossed in the film again and I hear my phone vibrate on the coffee table. I reach forward to pick it up, confused. Not many people bother to text me nowadays, I don't really have many friends that I'm still in touch with. I kind of stopped talking to most of them over the past couple of years. Just didn't really see the point in talking to people when I have nothing good to say and trying to pretend to be happy in front of everyone just became exhausting. I just decided it would be better for them if I left them alone so as not to bring them down with me.

As I open the message, I notice it's a number I don't know.

Unknown - Hi Cassandra, thank you for the letter. I hope you're doing ok - H x

My breath caught in my throat and I couldn't help but stare at the phone.

It didn't take long for me to realise that someone had obviously found the letter I wrote to Harry. Just as I imagined, someone thinks I'm bloody pathetic and that it's funny to have a laugh at my expense. Who could blame them. A 32 year old woman baring her soul in a letter that didn't even have a bloody address on it, I would make fun of me too. I decide to nip it in the bud before it went too far and sent a quick reply.