Look at Me - H.S.

~ Chapter 30 ~

"It's a church of burnt romances and I'm too far gone to pray, it's a solo song and it's only for the brave..." Ugh, I bloody love this song. This album. This man. He's an actual song-writing genius. They all are. I don't think there's a single one of their solo songs that I don't like. Which, I admit, would be a hard task, honestly, they could release 'Baa Baa Black Sheep' and I'd buy it and probably swoon over it too. So what if I'm Thirty Two and still pining after a boy band? My pining got me my bestest friend in the entire world, didn't it? So, who's the real winner here? Me. That's who. The same me who is currently laying on a lilo in a pool, in the back garden of a mansion in L-fucking-A.

Okay, we don't need to talk about what happened to get me here, it's a sad story, boo-hoo, I was a mess, poor me, blah blah blah.

Anyways, where was I? Oh yeah... I will pine and I will swoon and I will love them and not be embarrassed about it because they're all bloody perfect and wonderful people, okay?

Woah... where the fuck did that little internal rant come from? Maybe I need to up my water intake.

Taking a deep breath to calm, whatever the fuck that was, down, I relax back into the inflated plastic. Holding onto the side of the pool, where my phone is currently sitting, so as not to float away, I continue singing along to the lyrics of the song.

I use my free hand to scoop water and splash it over myself every now and then to keep cool however, the ball of fire in the sky feels like it's sitting on one of the sun loungers next to me, rather than the 90 million miles away that it should be. It's scorching today, so much so that I almost wore a bikini. The idea didn't take too long to banish from my brain, though. Although I'm looking at myself slightly differently nowadays, I still have hang ups and parts that make me more self-conscious than others, my stomach being one of those. I'll get there, I know I will but, you know, baby steps. So anyway, the bikini was pushed to the back of the shelf and instead I opted for an emerald green one piece which only has one strap. It's very comfy and covers everything that needs to be covered. Luckily, whoever stocked my room up for me before I got here, made sure I had every choice of hair removal products known to man, which I'm extremely grateful for. I love Harry but talking to him about where to go for a bikini wax is not something either of us would've appreciated.

So, after spending some well needed time giving myself a full body pamper, using my favourite Mango body scrub and shower gel, I smothered myself in suncream, tied my hair into a high ponytail and headed out to the pool.

Now, the idea of floating on a plastic mattress full of air in the water is all well and good but have you ever tried to get on the bloody thing in the first place? It's hard. There is literally not a single dignified way of doing it. Trust me, I tried. It's probably the only time since I've known him that I was ecstatic about Harry not being anywhere near me. In the end, I stood on the steps inside the pool and manged to straddle the lilo, pulling an unknown muscle in my groin in the process, and laid back as gently as possible, holding my breath every time the thing wobbled from side to side, until I was settled and then, while holding onto the side of the pool, I slowly manoeuvred my way around the edge until I was at the spot I'd left my phone, headphones and towel. Seriously, I deserve a rest after that horrific, unwanted workout. 

I've been laying here for a while now actually; I should probably try and get out to re-apply the sunscreen. After this song. This play list is one of my favourites. It has every One Direction album, plus every solo song from each of the boys, I called it 'Every Direction' cause, I'm a fucking genius, obviously, and so far, the shuffle button has not let me down. Bopping my head from side to side while I hum along to 'Black and White', I'm interrupted by my phone ringing. I reach over blindly and tap my phone, resigning myself to the idea that, if I don't hit the right spot and end up missing the call, then it just wasn't meant to be. Knowing that it's too early to hear from the girls, adds to my no fucks given attitude, I'm too relaxed to hold a decent conversation anyway. But, because someone higher up, hates me for unknown reasons, I do hit the right spot and the call connects.