Look at Me - H.S.

~ Chapter 5 ~

"Happy Hump Day!" Kathy squeals at me as I walk through the door to the school office. It makes me chuckle, every Wednesday without fail I get the same greeting as I get to work. Kathy's a nice lady, the nicest in this office, that's for sure. Margaret and Amy just roll their eyes at her and continue sorting through the pile of paperwork on their desk.

Luckily, I don't really have to interact with them too much. They never seem happy to be here. The office is fairly small, the old maroon coloured carpet is covered in stains from God knows what, the walls a bland magnolia with the odd piece of children's art on them which brings a much needed brightness to the room. There are two sets of desks in the middle, each with a computer and telephone along with our own little personal touches we've added over the years. I share one of the sets of desks with Kathy, we face each other however our computer monitors block the view of the other person, so we still have some sense of privacy, I guess.

I take my seat and am logging into my computer when I hear a little tap on the desk opposite me. I lean to the side in my chair so I can see Kathy who's in the exact same position.

"How many days until you see lover boy?" She whispers with a cheeky grin on her face. I smile and roll my eyes. "He's not my lover boy, I just really enjoy his music" I reply.

"Pfft! Yeh and his face, and his body and his -"

"Behave!" I cut her off. Even though I can't help my own cheeky grin as I look back over at her. "I don't look at him like that, he's an actual human being you know. He's not just a piece of meat for everyone to ogle" again, I'm rolling my eyes.

"Right" she says "no need to get all defensive, lovey" holding her hands up in mock surrender while giggling.

"Anyways, to answer your question it's precisely 16 days" I tell her. She gives me a nod and a thumbs up, the wide smile on her face doesn't falter and she scoots back over to sit in front of her monitor so we can both make a start on our work.

The morning seems to go by at lightning speed and before I know it, it's lunch time. I grab my bag from under the desk, stand up and push my chair under before leaving the office to head home and get some lunch.

The sun is out today which always helps my mood and I can't help the excited bubbles that have formed in my belly while I shamelessly daydream about how amazing the show will be at Wembley. I still can't believe I am actually going and the fact I get to take my two little besties is just perfect to me. I just know we're going to have so much fun.
As I walk down the path towards my house, a sudden thought pops into my head. Barry. I wonder how he is. I haven't heard from him since he txt me a couple of weeks ago, the same day he tried to call. Maybe I really did piss him off. Again, I start to wonder why I care so much. As I put the key into the lock on the front door, I get the urge to speak to him. Should I send him a quick text? He did ask me to stay in touch, it'd be rude not to, right?

I rummage in my small bag for my phone and decide to get on with it before I change my mind. What harm could it do? It's not as if I'm ever going to meet him.

Me - Happy Hump Day! - C

Using Kathy's greeting from this morning, I hit send and put my phone on the kitchen worktop while I grab an Apple from the fruit bowl.

I've been trying to cut down on what I eat for the past few months. Hoping to lose weight, maybe Mark would love me more if I was thinner. It's not working. I don't think Mark has even noticed.

I tried just having 2 meals a day and not snacking. It didn't make much difference to the way I look so now I've cut down to an apple at lunch time and then a healthy-ish evening meal. At least then I don't get the concerning looks from Bailey when I don't have dinner with them. I don't want them to ever hate themselves or get caught up on the way they look so I try to hide my self loathing from them as much as humanly possible. It's not the example I want to set for them. They're perfect in my eyes and I try to tell them every single day just how beautiful they are on the inside as well as the outside.