Look at Me - H.S.

~ Chapter 29 ~

As the wonderful Lizzo once said - Hi Muthafuckas, did ya miss me?

No but seriously, life has been bloody difficult lately and it meant this little story had to take a back seat for a minute.
But... I'm back. I'm here and I love you little lot for sticking around. Thank you. x

~

Laying on the sand, it begins to cool beneath me, my eyelids flutter closed as the last of the day's golden rays warm my skin in the most delicious way and the smile on my face returns without effort. I take a deep breath, relishing the fresh, salty smell of the ocean mixed with the heavenly scent of the man laying perfectly still beside me. The same man who has had me laughing and smiling all day, as if I don't have a single problem in the world to worry about. My stomach throbs with a dull ache but I'm unsure whether it's from laughing so much or all the food I've consumed in the past few hours.

My appetite hasn't been great the past few weeks so I guess my body is going to take some time to get used to it. However, the fact that I have had a permanent smile on my face for the entire day - so much so that my cheeks ache - makes me shrug off the pain in my tummy.

As I lay here, trying to remember every detail about our day, I feel the soft brush of Shaun's pinkie finger against mine. I can't tell whether it was just an involuntary twitch or if he's making sure I'm still here, either way, I return the gesture but ensure that this time, they link. I feel him twitch again, a reassuring little movement to tell me that he's still here too. This is the quietest we've been all day and yet, I'm just as happy.

I know I had a pretty serious conversation with Harry this morning, one that feels like I should have uneasy thoughts consuming my brain but I just...don't. Mark is all I've ever known and the thought of being without him scared me, shit, it still does. But now I know who I've got in my corner, these two amazing men who have taken care of me from day one, the fear doesn't seem as crippling anymore.

Shaun rented a posh little sports car for us to "travel in style" as he put it. I mean, we didn't venture too far but I wasn't complaining, the thing is an absolute dream. I can't even tell you the make and model because I still haven't taken the time to find out, but what I do know is, it's fucking cute, only has two seats and is a convertible. This means we have been driving around with the wind in my hair all day - I have the knots to prove it.
We started the day with a tour around the area. Harry's house is on a hill, just above the sunset strip and although everything you could possibly need is relatively close by, the property is in a gated compound, surrounded by trees so is very private and far enough away to be out of all the hustle and bustle, which is perfect.

As we were driving down Sunset Boulevard, I was even more grateful for the roofless car Shaun had picked. Looking out of a side window or through the windscreen just wouldn't have been enough. There was plenty of traffic which I didn't mind at all, being a 'passenger princess' as he kept calling me, meant I didn't have a thing to worry about apart from ensuring everything I was experiencing was burned into my brain. I'm not so sure the same could be said for our Shauny, though.
Shaun does not enjoy traffic.

I sank into the buttery leather of my seat with my head tilted back and resting on the headrest. Shaun was giving me snippets of information about where we were and what to look out for along the way. I didn't have much to say in return, I just sat and took it all in. I felt like some sort of movie star with my huge sunglasses - curtesy of Gemma - covering most of my face, they shifted upwards every time I smiled and I wasn't even mad about it. I looked fucking cool. Part of me wished I'd had one of those pretty silk scarves to wrap around my head, you know, to really look the part but thinking back on it, I'm grateful I didn't. There's something quite exhilarating about having your hair fly around behind you while you're in a tiny sports car, with a very handsome man who's giving you a tour of the City of Angels. I felt free.