Look at Me - H.S.

~ Chapter 1 ~

The sound of laughter wakes me up with a jolt. "Shit" I whispered to myself. My husband had left for work at the arse crack of dawn and My girls are already up and getting ready for school. It becomes obvious that I hit the snooze button one too many times.

I throw back the duvet and gasp as the coldness hits my skin and swiftly rub my own arms to rid myself of the goosebumps that have appeared.

Checking the time on my phone, I realise I only have 20 minutes to get ready and out the door.

I stumble to the bathroom and try to avoid looking in the mirror, as usual. Quickly washing my face and trying to wake myself up a bit more in the process. Grabbing a pair of baggy ripped jeans and a hoody, I shove them on and make my way downstairs. I take a deep breath and plaster my best smile on my face as I enter the kitchen.

"Morning, Mum" my youngest daughter Elodie greets me. "Morning, darling. Did you have a good sleep?" I ask as I wrap my arm around her shoulder and give her a tight squeeze. "Yeh, it was really good. I had the best dream" she replies with a big toothy smile.

Over at the breakfast bar sits my eldest, Bailey with her head in a book.

"Morning Bai, you ok?" I ask while still managing to keep up the same smile I had adorned previously. "Huh? Oh, yeh. All good Mum. Are you ok?" She questions. Her eyebrows pinched together as if she notices something as she looks up at me.

I brush it off and don't answer, instead I clap my hands together and urge them to hurry up. "C'mon girls, we better get going or you'll be late again"

Being late seemed to become a bit of a habit of ours, through no fault of their own either which just adds to the mountains of guilt I carry in my chest every day.

Lately it had become more and more difficult for me to get out of bed in the morning. The urge to snooze my alarm, dominating every reason I had to actually face the world for another day.

My gorgeous girls being the one (well two) and only thing that gave me the push I needed to not hide away and wallow in the darkness that seems to be fogging up my brain a little more each day.

-

As we step outside the front door and start our short walk to school, Elodie begins to explain every minute detail of the amazing dream she had. It involved One Direction, her favourite band. She had been called on stage at one of their concerts to help them sing her favourite song. The excitement in her voice as she was replaying every moment, step by step made my heart burst.

The funny thing is, Elodie is only 9. The band split up when she was about 3 and she didn't even know who they were then. Everything she knows about them has come from me and good old YouTube. Still, she's adamant that they'll get back together one day, and her dream will definitely come true.

As we approach the school gate I notice that Bailey has been particularly quiet this morning. I mean, it could be because she's 11 now and getting into that 'it's not cool to walk to school with your mum' type age but today seems different. I can't quite put my finger on it. I shrug it off and make a mental note to have a chat with her after school.

I do my usual and give them both 3 forehead kisses each, making sure to tell them to have a great day before they turn to leave as they walk off towards their classrooms.

The walk back home is filled with fake smiles and high pitched "Morning!" greetings to everyone I pass, the same as every other day.

As I walk through my front door, I release the breath I didn't know I was holding, my shoulders sag and the fake smile I wore since coming downstairs this morning has slipped from my lips. I slowly walk to the kitchen and flick the kettle on. Looking around at the mess and dirty dishes, I sigh loudly.