BLACK ROSE

Here we go again

Alex. 

I don't know where to go or what to do.

My mind isn't really giving me a second to rest.

It's that time of the year again. When everyone starts to tiptoe around me and play a pretend game I haven't quite understood. Everyone becomes moody and unbearable to be with. And because of that, everything becomes extremely annoying and hard to do.

There simply is no longer a place that wouldn't be too painful to visit. Although I like New York, I feel like I'm stuck in some tiny snuck up town.

I wind up at Cal's place again. Over the years it's become the only place that throughout it all doesn't feel as suffocating as the others do. It should be the most suffocating place in the whole New York City. Somehow though, I've learnt how to appreciate it more than hate it. That place really is cursed.

There isn't anything special for me to do at Cal's. Most days there's always something going on. Very rarely nothing seems to be happening, it's like the whole place is sleeping. Though if you'd look for a little longer, open a few more doors and walk a few more staircases, you'd surely find someone or something doing something worth joining. I just sit down on the couch next to Francis and Violet.

Francis throws me a quick glance. He doesn't say anything, not with his eyes nor with any words. But I know he knows.

"Where's Ace?" Violet asks.

I notice the bottle standing in the corner of the room and raise my eyebrows. It's a little too early to have already drunk one bottle.

Violet shakes her head, clearly denying ever having touched it. "That's not ours."

"I don't know," I answer her previous question. We're always together, so people automatically consider seeing only one of us to be a strange phenomenon. It's true that we rarely show up without each other. "Am I supposed to know his every step?"

"You know his every step," River says.

"What are you doing here?" I ask surprised. Seeing River here on a Thursday at five o'clock is a once in a year experience. He prefers to stay away on weekdays, first stopping by on Fridays.

"I felt like coming over," he says. "I had a feeling you'd be here and decided to take Ace's place."

I laugh. "He won't like that."

"There's nothing he has to worry about," Francis points out. "River here could never take his place. He's...."

"No one should try to take his place," I say as a joke. Although we all laugh, we all know I mean it. Ace is protective over what and who he cares about. What is once his, stays his for the rest of his life.

Too much pain is bonding us. Besides other important reasons and facts.

I try to find Channel around. I'm not expecting her to be here, but still give it a try. I search almost everywhere, but as expected, it's been a couple of days since she's shown up last. If I could, I would have a different relationship to this place. If I could, I would hate it a little more. But I can't.

I leave an hour later, saying goodbye to my friends. I spot a group of young people hanging out in the main room. For a second I want to throw them out. A strange nostalgic feeling filling me with anger takes over me and blocks my rationality. They shouldn't be here. They're way too young to be hanging out at places like this. But then again, I' m the last one to say anything. I was probably younger than them when I set foot here the first time, and believe me, nothing indicated I had to. There was no reason for me to do so.