BLACK ROSE

Panic! At the disco

Ashley. 

I'm running out of resources. It's a shame I even have to consider restocking my backup. The biggest mistake was taking just that first half of a pill, followed by bringing some home. Storing them in my own bedroom is the riskiest thing I've ever done. But I can't turn back the time, I can't just throw them all out now. I feel like it's too late.

The more I think about throwing them out, the more guilty I feel. It really wouldn't take much effort, but.... I can't bring myself to it. Maybe.. I've been staring at them for too long.

A silent knock on my door brings me back to reality. I slam the cupboard closed, inhale and exhale deeply. I scan my room, nothing suspicious anywhere. With a silent groan I open the door only to be greeted by my father. As always, he has a smile on his face, but no happiness in his eyes. The diplomacy is noticeable in every habit, manner or sentence he says.

"Hi, sweetie."

"Hi, dad." I wonder why he's here. "Is there anything you need?"

"It's dinner time so I was thinking if we could eat dinner together."

"Sure, I'll be down in a minute." With the terrible diplomatic smile he smiles at me, nods, and leaves. I change out of my sweatpants into something more formal. I grew up in a family where eating dinner formally dressed is considered appropriate. Anyone could interrupt us at any moment, and we wouldn't want to be looking bad, would we? I just put on some shorts and a pretty, black, formal shirt.

My father's already sitting behind the table and waiting for me. He's typing something really fast on his phone. The food's on the table and I wonder if it hasn't gone cold yet.

We start to eat, or at least I do. His presence is still occupied by his phone. After some point he acknowledges my presence and asks about my day. At first I just want to answer sarcastically, perhaps because of the drug in my veins, but then I answer normally. The conversation is boring and dry. What more can I expect from a father who's basically never with me?

After the most boring dinner I've ever experienced, and I thought I had experienced more boring dinners before, I leave to my room. I have nothing planned for today but being alone locked up in my room is better than spending time with my father with dry and boring conversations.

I lay in bed, on my phone, opening up Instagram. I check out the account Mae gave me a few days ago – a school's account for the students, where every party and gossip is announced. It seems to be impossible to keep secrets. A private life looks like something that doesn't even exist. For the rest of the weekend I don't leave my house. I barely even leave my room; I stay inside and bore myself to death. I stalk Mae's account.

Her account is very simple, minimalistic and aesthetic. She's only uploaded a few photos, most of which don't share a big insight into her private life. She's capturing moments, highlights, of her life that easily make people jealous.

One particular photo catches my eye. It's a photo of her and the white-haired boy along with the other boy. She's smiling widely, her hair a different colour. A gentle baby pink, curly exactly like now. The boy on her right, the white haired boy from the coffee shop, is kissing her cheek, eyes closed. His hair is white, almost neon white. The other boy has neon green hair, lips touching Mae' left cheek too. They're all laughing and smiling, enjoying their time together. It's not the only photo they have together, but it's the only one where it's just the three of them. Her other photos are usually more blurred and include a lot more people. On one there's a big group of people, posing on the beach in front of a bonfire. It's the perfect definition of a summer aesthetic photo. I can only identify Mae and the other two boys, usually the green haired by her side.