BLACK ROSE

Two sided warning

Alex. 

I might've caused the chaos going on now.

I won't take the blame, no, but I might be the reason River and Mae are arguing. In a small room like this, with little to no furniture, the autistic is perfect. Mae's voice resonates off the walls, intensifying every time it reaches our ears. She's standing her ground, stubborn and determined to win. Exactly like River.

I sit in silence, observing them. The papers in my lap feel inexplicably heavy, though their real weight is almost non-existent. I'm playing with the pen in my hand, wondering if I should write the words down on the paper. I've tried numerous times, never satisfied.

"Can you just stop, please?" Ace reappears in the room, followed by a tired looking Nico. "It's not that important anyway."

Instantly they both turn to him, joining forces this time. "The band name isn't important?" They yell in unison. Even I look at him with raised eyebrows and slight disbelief.

"You're arguing about the name?" Ace flashes me a quick glance. "When I left that wasn't the topic....."

Nico sits down next to me, drinking his coffee almost in one sip. I'd dare to say it's black as hell itself with no added milk or sugar. He's drinking pure hell, hoping the caffeine is going to keep on going the whole day. He steals glances at the empty paper in my lap.

"Ace brought me over to help."

I nod, not knowing what to say. "There's nothing much you need to help with. If you want to go home and sleep, just go."

He ignores my comment, instead decides to act like a wise old brother. Either the caffeine works like magic, or he's forcing himself to pretend his energy has been recharged. "Picking up the pen again is the first step."

Picking up the pen again... I try to remember why I put it down in the first place. But the reason is... there's more than one reason. It used to be one of the easiest things to do – to hold the pen, listen to my thoughts and scribble them down on the paper. It used to be so natural to me, almost like I had to do it to function. And now it only hurts, burns, when I try to do it again.

"Can I read the papers underneath?"

I didn't try to hide them, I hoped he wouldn't notice them. Most of the sentences are finished and most of the words have been crossed out. I know he's still able to read them and connect into sentences.

I exhale deeply, quickly thinking of a way to say no. Although Ace's standing by the window, pretending to be replying to emails on his phone, I can feel his eyes glued on us. He's only trying to help, for selfish reasons too. I can't blame him, I never could. And as much as I don't like the idea of him being right lately, I know running away forever isn't going to fix anything. So I hand Nico the papers.

Some of the words, lyrics, are something I've had running in my mind for years. Some of them even come from older ideas, and...and not all are entirely mine.

Nico studies the pages with his professional face on, ignoring the ongoing argument between Mae and River. It's rare for them both to fight, the most for River. He's what you'd call calm and collected, seldom letting something or someone annoy him.

It's still weird Nico's the one sitting here now. At an early morning hour on a Wednesday. His father wanted him to be a doctor or lawyer like most parents want their kids. He never wanted anything else than his boys to have a successful and good life. You can't blame him; he wants what's best for his sons. Though I'm sure he's always known Nico wasn't going to follow that path, he hoped until the last moment. And Nico being the loving son he is, studied really hard to apply to a medical school. He was ready to sacrifice his future for the happiness of his father, who never pushed him into anything, if he didn't get admitted to his dream university. It's a simple dream really – to pursue music. Not on stage, rather in the background. He's learnt the consequences of being in the open front, he says. A part of his father was surely slightly disappointed his middle son wasn't going to pursue a medical career, but nevertheless he gave Nico his whole support. It'd be a shame if he hadn't, Nico has a natural artistic feeling and talent for music. Ask him anything and he'll promptly turn into a professional, giving you professional advice and help. Only his younger brother decided to give law a try, alongside dedicatedly following his sports dream. The two eldest sons chose to rebel, in a way – the eldest copying his father and becoming a chef, and the middle one studying music.