BLACK ROSE

The oblivion

Ashley. 

Leo leads me to the dance floor. I try to focus and think straight, but the drugs are clouding my mind. I for sure am euphoric and hyped up and I feel like I can do everything in the world.

My body's moving closer and closer to Leo, doing what it wants. I don't have much control over it, nor of my mind. I'm getting paranoid, imagining people staring at me with judgmental looks. Maybe they really are starting and judging me.

There's a possibility Leo might present something good in my life. Maybe I've finally crossed paths with a good boy. It's all a hypothesis, a possibility, perhaps just a wish. Though as much I try to only focus my thoughts on him, I can't. My mind keeps running back to Mae and her sudden disappearance. What's worse are the constant thoughts about the boy from the coffee house.

I can't get his eyes out of my brain. Every time I close my eyes he slowly takes form. It's like a mental drawing with all the details there. The shape of his eyes, the colour and the stare, his lips, his hair and clothes. The accessories that shone so brightly under the light.

Now I know that he was the one I saw walking with Mae that other night. Now I know it really was Mae. I can still picture them laughing together and something inside of me... hurts. There's something about his aura, about his charisma that's dangerous. But it's magnetic, so fierce you can't fight against it.

Every once in a while I scan the room, searching for Mae with my eyes. But I never spot her or her vibrant hot pink hair. It's almost like she was just an imaginary friend of mine all this time. She vanished with no traces left behind.

Stop it!

I shake my head slightly, reminding myself to stay focused on Leo. I pull myself together, with the last bit of strength that's left in me and clear my mind of all the thoughts regarding Mae, her mysterious charismatic male friend and excessive worrying. I focus all my attention on the boy next to me. The handsome boy with the gold glasses and dark brown hair.

I focus on Leo.

A pink flamingo appears on his shoulder. I get a sudden urge to reach out for it and grab it. Instead of doing so, I just giggle to myself. I wasn't expecting any animals to show up at random places tonight. When nothing happened after the first half of the pill, I assumed nothing would happen at all.

Leo smiles at me, taking a step closer. His smile fits him perfectly, making the perfect contrast with the rest of his face. When I look into his eyes, he leans in and kisses me.

Drugs or not, a wild circus of butterflies goes crazy in my stomach and chest. My heart skips a few beats, having a harder time catching its rhythm again. The world around us stops moving and mattering. The sounds and lights, and people around us get blurred and irrelevant.

Leo's hands find their way around my waist, bringing me closer to his chest. Somehow there remains a tiny space between us. Like a challenge to see how far we'll take it. It's a simple boundary, yet very daring.

His lips move against mine in a slow peaceful rhythm, while my hands find their way to his hair. I pull him closer, desiring a better taste of his lips. The bitter aftertaste of alcohol doesn't bother me.

Someone walks by and whispers loudly to us, "Go to the third floor, lovebirds."

Confused, I pull away. Slowly opening my eyes and catching my breath again, a frown forms on my forehead. Whoever said it is long gone before I turn around. The third floor? What's on the third floor?

I lift my gaze to Leo's, who's looking annoyed. The warm feeling from his eyes is gone. "What did he mean?" I ask. "What's on the third floor?"

He sighs and runs a hand through his hair. Exactly like when you're about to tell someone the painful truth. "It's the floor where people go to have sex."

They do what? I widen my eyes in disbelief and... and shame. I can't believe there's a whole floor dedicated to one night stands. But more than that I can't believe I fell for him. For his sweet, sugar coated lies. I believed his intentions were good and even..

"No, Ashley."

I take a step back as he reaches out for me.

....imagined something more with him. It makes me disgusted, disgusted with myself. How could I allow myself to get so blinded. How... I should never have taken the other half of the pill.

I take another step back, shaking my head. I should've figured it out before. I'm nothing more than another victim of sugar-coated lies, nothing more than someone for a one night stand.

Some things never change.

Leo takes a step towards me, and I vigorously shake my head. He stops.

"I never intended to take you there. It wasn't my intention."

But it was your intention to have sex with me.

"I wouldn't do that. Why would I do that?"

Because you are nothing but a disgusting liar, like every boy. The only thing you want is to get into some girl's panties.

"Please, believe me." His voice gets softer and quieter. "I want to take you on a real date and get to know you. Please, Ashley."

I stare at him for seconds, maybe even minutes, contemplating whether his words are believable or not. I can't decide. A part of me wants to believe him so badly I'm willing to ignore all the red flags. I'm willing to ignore the already forming chances of a failing relationship, to forget what the stranger just said. That part of me just wants to go home with Leo.

But the other part.... the other part knows better. It's a silent voice in the back of my head, telling me to walk away. To just turn around and leave. That's the only way to protect myself from the pain again. I don't want to fall into another boy's trap.

Leo patiently waits for my response, any kind. I can see in his eyes that he's prepared for me walking away. There's something in them, though, something I can't identify for sure. But something that's begging me for forgiveness. It was just a misunderstanding.

High or not, stupid or not, I take a step forward. Somewhere deep down I know I'll forget this decision, but I find myself nodding. I ignore the part of me that's telling me to leave.