BLACK ROSE

You don't want to go there

Alex. 

Man, I'm stressed out, I need a cigarette.

That seems to be the most inappropriate and ironic line in a song that's perfectly reflecting the reality I've ever heard. I might be thinking a lot critically now, but I'm pretty sure someone put this song on shuffle on purpose.

I am not comfortable,

So I'll take another pharmaceutical.

Whoever put this band on shuffle definitely has a twisted, but good, sense of humour. Maybe kids who do drugs and get high on a daily basis aren't exactly what you'd call the best company, but they are kids with a good sense of humour. There's more to them than what seems.

The THC, or tetrahydrocannabinol, should be low in my joint. Ace knows how much I hate doing drugs and he knows I only do them occasionally. And he was the one who gave me the joint, so I trust him with giving me the smallest one. It's probably the most ironic thing I, as a dealer, can say.

It kicks in pretty fast. I've almost forgotten how it feels. The last time I got high it didn't exactly end well for me. The euphoria and giggliness and happiness and creativity and everything else somehow forgot to come, or at least it didn't come in the amount I expected. But the anxiety, sadness, confusion, nausea, panic and racing heartbeat for sure came. A part of me hoped that maybe I wouldn't remember the events of that night, but the following day was like a bad nightmare. I remembered the breakdown like it had just happened.

I'm thankful when the first sign – muscle relaxation – appears. Since my last gym session my muscles have been aching, causing my whole body to be tense for the second day. I close my eyes and exhale. The alcohol I've consumed before isn't adding anything positive to the marihuana, only ensuring this experience to be longer and much worse.

The idea of closing my eyes obviously was not a good idea. Women tonight seem to see me as a sex object. Or at least a perfect adept to fulfil their desires.

I'm awoken from my ten second long nap by someone straddling me. At first I think it could be a joke Ace decided to pull on me, but I'm quickly shown otherwise. A girl, whose name I'm not sure I even remember, is straddling me like I'm some horse. There's hunger in her eyes, her pupils dilated like she's just smoked three joints in a row. From what I've seen her around her I had her for the shy girl, not this wild outgoing human being.

She places her hands on my chest, her pupils so black and wide they're actually scary. I look at her face. Her face is tiny and proportionate, white like snow. Her full red lips surely look tempting, and in contrast with her black hair she reminds me of Snow White.

"What the hell is going on?"

"Chill, Alex," someone says. "We're just playing truth or dare and that is her dare."

Of course it is. High or not, people are still douchebags. The look on her face reveals she's not against it, the opposite – she's enjoying it.

"Her dare is just to strangle me?"

No one from the douchebag kids answers me, so I look for answers in her eyes. "And to kiss you for ninety seconds."

I automatically look at Ace, but he just smiles at me. His euphoria is definitely on the way. His eyes give me 'just go with the flow' look. I notice Ray has joined the little circle formed a few feet away. He takes out his phone, sets the timer and gives me a thumbs up before pressing the button.

Ladies and gentlemen, this is how you end up playing truth or dare without even playing.

There's no 'time stopped' when I attach my lips to hers. It's simply just a kiss we're forced into. Speaking for myself I feel absolutely nothing, no desire to pull her closer to me. Her lips are warm and soft. I had no intention of interacting our tongues, she on the other hand, had different plans. She almost literally forces her tongue in my mouth. It surprises me at first, but I don't let her win. My tongue in her mouth must work as a sign for her to move her hips. Under normal circumstances it would do something to me, but right now I'm forced into a shared moment with a girl whose name I don't even know. The euphoria slowly starts to show up and I hold back a giggle. I move my hand back down to her hips and stop them from moving. The ninety seconds feel like an eternity, even though she's not a bad kisser. When they're finally over, before taking her lips off mine and walking back to her place in their little circle, she bites my bottom lip.