ARE YOU WORTH IT (intersex)

9

"Floor 7" I could hear the slurs in my words.

"Gotcha" cash held me tight, keeping me from falling on my face. I can't remember how many shots I had but it had to be far past my limit because I couldn't stand on my own. The elevator door opened, and we stepped out walking down the long hallway. I saw a tall figure dressed in all black at the end of the hallway. It wasn't until we made it to the end that I realized it was you.

My vision was a little blurry, but I knew it was you. You're the only person I know that wears all black suits. Sometimes you remind me of a vampire. Your chiseled face and your pale skin. The fucking attitude. It reminds me of a movie I've seen before.

"What the hell did you do to her" there was anger, worry in your voice.

Cash stood silent but I could tell she got angry because I felt her nails dig into my skin a little.

"Don't yell at cash, it's no one's fault but yours." I stumbled toward her, poking her chest "This is... this is your fault. You did this to me." I'm not making sense. I stood up for cash but most of that wasn't to defend cash but to defend myself. Why the hell is she here? How does she even know where I live ? I couldn't wrap my mind around it. I tried to walk back to cash but I could feel myself stumbling in my heels. Both of you fell to your knees to catch me but only one of you could get to me in time. I looked down at your hands wrapped around my waist, my vision going in and out making it hard for me to process this moment. I looked up at your eyes, I could see them dilated. I closed my eyes taking in your cologne. You smell good, rich and elegant but you always do.

"I got her from here. You can leave now."

I could feel you pull me back a little as cash leaned in "Steph?... Is that okay with you?" I could feel cash's hands brush my hair behind my ears. I smiled nodding my head.

"I'll be okay cash, thank you" she gave me a slight nod as she rose up from her knees and walked away. I took one blink, and she was gone. I felt weightless as you lifted me up. I stared at you, but it wasn't you. I didn't see a person that looked familiar. You had on a whole new face. A nurturing face, you looked concerned.

I poked her chest. "You're a fucking asshole you know that. You didn't have to talk to her like that."

She scoffed "I don't like the way she held you."

"So, you'd rather I fall on my face?"

"I'd rather she didn't touch you at all" ha, that's funny she almost sounds like she cares.

I looked in her eyes as she finally laid me on my bed.

"You know those words can only come from someone capable of caring right? and I'm not sure that you do." I said sitting up in bed. She sat at the foot keeping a major distance between us. She looked down at her hands which made me shift my eyes to them as well. Her hands... they're large. I could see the veins running from her arm down to her hands. I don't know why I find that attractive, but I do. I fixed my eyes to her waiting for a response.

"Stephanie, I feel I owe you an explanation. I-"

"It's Steph," I boldly interrupted. I couldn't help myself. I hate it when people use my full name. But for some reason you weren't bothered by me interrupting. Something is really off with you, you're calmer than you usually are.

"You should really get some rest Steph." She stood up and headed for the door.

"Promise me something"

"Promise you what?" She asked, turning around just before opening the door.

"That we will talk about whatever it is that you're going through, later?"

"What makes you think I'm going through something?"

"I might be drunk but I can obviously tell there's something wrong." The deep sigh you took only proved my point. There is something wrong but I'm far too drunk to try and pinpoint anything.

"Goodnight, Miss Caine" the dread in your voice is concerning but before I could say wait, I heard the door close and so did my eyes.

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I don't remember how I got back home last night but I'm glad I made it safely. I slowly sat up and squinted to the foot of my bed. The memory of you quickly came back, you were here last night you sat right there, but then you left. You seemed off, very off.

How'd you even know where I lived? More questions began to pile onto the list of many unanswered questions. I threw my covers to the side getting out of bed. I had to sit for a minute before getting up, I feel awful. after a minute of contemplating, I finally made my way to the kitchen; it was early as the sun barely reached the surface of the horizon. I put my head in my hands remembering the embarrassing shit I said. I cussed you out.

did I?

I think I did. well I know I wanted to cuss you out, but I can't remember if I did. There are holes in my memory. It's frustrating because it feels like a dream, you feel like a dream.

I showered and finally made my tea. I have a hangover, but I have class and my classes are more important than how I feel, well that's what I keep telling myself because the moment I tell myself that I matter that my mental health is more important is the moment I lose sight of my goal and that cannot happen.

Why do I do this to myself? I'm being really irresponsible drinking on weekdays knowing I have school. My mom would be so disappointed if she knew I've wasted my Monday night out at a gay club instead of studying harder. Luckily, she doesn't know anything.

Sometimes I wish me, and my mom were close enough to talk like best friends so I can tell her everything that's happened, but it doesn't work that way at least not in my reality. Sometimes mothers just aren't meant to know everything. If she knew what I was up to she'd probably try to come down here and interfere in a bad way. And I can't have that.

             __________________________

Before I made it to class I decided to stop by your office.

I know some of you are upset at me because I removed the smut chapters, but I promise you guys they are coming and will be better. I think😬

xoxo