ARE YOU WORTH IT (intersex)

16

18 years ago

-Camila Jones pov-

I rose up looking around the crowded room, everyone was still sound asleep in their bunk beds. Except for me. I turn 18 next week and it's been bothering me. I have no clue where I'll go or what I'll do. I wish the deadline wasn't at 18, I feel like I haven't gotten enough time but it's the age where I'm considered a legal adult so I guess it makes sense for the orphanage to dispose of me. It makes me angry to think maybe if I were born different I'd have a better chance at finding a good family. It's embarrassing having to admit that I was born different. Born with something out of my control. Like it really matters. Why are people so fixated on what a child has in their pants anyways. It's weird and creepy.

I threw the cover over getting out of the bed tip toeing my way to the hall. I looked in both directions before crossing going into the girls bathroom. There was nobody in here, thank god. It's hard having to hold in your pee through the entire day especially when the orphanage is housing over 300 kids. You would think after all the years being here I would be comfortable enough to take a piss but I've never quite felt the sense of belonging. I made my way to the stall gently closing the door behind me. I undid my pants, releasing myself into the toilet. I tried to make it as quick as possible before anyone came in.

I rinsed my hands, then dried them and tiptoed my way back to my bunk. I couldn't tell what time it was but I knew it was pretty late. I closed my eyes, shifting to different realities imagining myself being taken in by a nice rich family until I eventually fell asleep.
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Next week came sooner than expected. I still had no idea what I should do. I applied to 10 jobs and haven't heard anything from any of them. My friend Jaden who turned 18 two years ago has been doing really well since he's left. He offered me to join him a while ago, which I'm just now taking up on his offer. I need money and he's the only one I knew that was making real money.

It was a day before my birthday so I decided to sneak out and go join him on a job he said he had for me.

A big tahoe truck pulled into the entrance with tinted windows. I was a little nervous. I couldn't help but feel like I was about to be kidnapped. The windows rolled down and jaden stuck his head out

"Get in motherfucker" he shouted.

Even after seeing his face it wasn't till he said something that put the light to my match. I quickly moved my feet jogging to the car. As soon as I got in, the strong smell of something skunky filled my nose. It didn't smell bad but it also didn't smell good. Jaden reached his hand back to me. I slapped his hand and shook it with a snap. It's a cool little handshake he made for us in the orphanage a long time ago.

"Mil this is Patric, Patt this is mil" Jaden introduces me to the driver who I've never seen before. He looks a lot older than both of us. He looked mad and grumpy like he hated his life. I gave a slight smile and wave, which seemed to make him more mad. I slowly put my hand back into my lap

"don't mind patt he always looks like this" jaden tries to reassure me which makes it worse. That he has to announce it out loud.

"So what's the job" i mutter

"You didn't tell her?" Patrick turnes to Jaden, stopping the car in the middle of the road.

"Relax, she's cool peoples and needs the money just as much as we do"

"What the fuck jaden. She better not slow us down."

"She can handle this. She has bigger balls than both of us and I mean that literally"

I'm uncomfortable but I need the money. I have nowhere to go so Jaden and Patrick bickering is something I'm gonna have to get used to.

After the 20 minute car ride we pulled into a dark alley with a flickering light. Jaden eventually turns towards me "Here put this on" he tossed me a mask followed by a gun that caused me to jump

"Wha-what the fuck?" I say picking it up with my index finger and my thumb barely trying to touch it. Patrick turned to look at me then at jaden with a I told you so look.

"Look mil it's not loaded. Just point and demand that's all you gotta do." Jaden put on his mask tapping Patricks seat two times. "Let's go" He shouted, without hesitation Patrick and Jaden jumped out of the car. I tried to hurry, struggling to fully put on the mask. It was lopsided but I didn't have time to perfect it. I could feel my breath blowing back in my face as I ran behind them.

We went up some stairs to an apartment complex and eventually approached a door where we came to a complete stop. This is where I fully fixed the mask. Jaden knocked on the door a couple times before barging in pointing his gun at everyone inside. It was a house full of men and women all packaging a white powdery substance. I did as he said I pointed and demanded. Someone stepped up to Patrick yelling at him and getting in his face. I could feel my nerves consuming my body which caused my hands to shake. I tried to restrain myself by squeezing the gun tighter which caused me to accidentally pull the trigger. Everyone looked at me and I looked at the smoke coming from the gun hole. everyone's attention went to the guy with a bullet wound in his leg. He fell back against the wall. I could feel my heart beating out my chest along with an inability to move my body. I could hear jadens muffled voice as he tugged on my arm pulling me to the door. But I couldn't help but look at what I've done.

What have I done?

His voice came clear "let's fucking go mil!" And in that moment I snapped back to reality pulling myself together. I turned around gaining the ability to move my body, one foot after the other I ran behind jaden. After we made it out of the building I snatched the mask off trying to get oxygen but I couldn't seem to get any. I think I'm having a panic attack. My hands went to my knees falling behind but Jaden turned back to come grab me.

"Mil we have to go!" He grabbed my arm and threw it over his shoulder. Dragging me to the truck. He placed me in the backseat where I was still having a hard time breathing. I laid on my back looking up at the sun roof. The stars were out and bright tonight. I could hear Jaden and Patrick going back and forth arguing about what they should do with me.

"The plan wasn't to hurt anyone." Patrick says to Jaden

"Well now they know not to fuck with us and If it weren't for her you would've been the one getting hurt." I could see jaden turn to face me "mil you good back there?"

I gave a thumbs up feeling a numb feeling start to consume my body.

"See, we're Good" he replied "now let's get the fuck outta here."

We made it to this house that wasn't all the way put together. Jaden turned to face me, giving me a set of keys and a band full of hundreds "you did good back there mil." I leaned up taking the keys and the stack of money. As soon as I stepped out of the car they sped away. I looked down at my hands that held the keys and money. Feeling a sense of worth, a sense of belonging finally.

This chapter is based on how difficult it is for a child to go from a foster home or orphanage to the real world. they're more likely to become homeless later in life, to have run-ins with the law, and to experience mental and physical health issues.

Xo