ARE YOU WORTH IT (intersex)

6

I haven't seen her since she boldly rejected me. not once, i don't even think she's been in for work. For the past week I would casually walk past her office and every single time I did the door would be closed right along with the lights being shut off. Did I somehow scare her away?. Or was she already fucking someone new?. Guilt filled my insides leaving a bitter feeling.

I feel so guilty. I feel like I did something wrong. Should I have just kept my mouth closed and let her have me? How many girls has she had her way with? So many questions ran through my head that it began to keep me up at night, keep me unfocused in class. I'm in my head more than I've ever been. It's brutal and I want to confront her about it, tell her how she's been screwing with my head involuntarily for the past week but she hasn't been around for me to do so

Maybe this is what she was trying to avoid, imagine if we had sex I would probably act worse than I am right now. I flopped back in my bed looking up at the ceiling running my hands through my hair. Fuck this, i will not spend my weeknd moping around. I sat up, I'll show her, show her that she's wrong. show her that she's the only one making a big deal out of nothing. Anyone would be glad to have me.
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I sat in the bar alone, apparently this was the best bar to find one night stands. Everyone comes here for the same reason, to hook up. I'm alone but I never really minded being alone, it's peaceful. I scanned the room but everyone was in large groups of people talking and laughing. I turned back towards the bar and looked inside my half empty cup. It's my second so far and I can already feel my nerves fading by the minute.

I threw my head back, drowning the last drop of liquor. Slamming the cup on the table. I looked around once again until I found someone who looked somewhat decent, he wasn't as alluring as her but he will do. I got up from my seat and walked over to him as he danced to the song that was blasting around us. I slipped into his arms and threw mines around his neck and began dancing with him. He was drunk and seemed free spirited because he just smiled, swaying his hips with mine as we moved to the beat. The more i moved the more i told myself i was ready, that this is it but i couldn't build up the courage to drag him to the bathroom like they do in the movies, this felt a lot scarier than what they portray in the movies. I stared at him with my eyes trying to signal I what I want but no matter how much I battered my eyes at him he wasn't catching the hint. Guys are stupid sometimes. His hands resided on my waist. He's acting like hes scared to touch me?

Now is not the time to be gentle.

Shit i thought to myself its like I can't run away from that fucking word no matter how fast I run. It still lingers in the back of my mind. I grabbed his hands and moved them to my ass. Ha, I thought to myself. I can do this, she's wrong. I pulled him closer to me

"You want to get out of here?" I whispered directly in his ear so he could hear how serious I was. He pulled back to look at me nodding his head.

We made our way back to my apartment. He got us an uber. It was nice, very generous of him but i didn't want to be treated gently.

I walked in first showing him that it was ok to come in, he seemed shy so I walked towards him as he stood at the threshold of my door pulling him into me. To which I took as my chance to kiss him It was a peck at first then it went into a longer and deeper kiss. After a few seconds I felt his hands wrap around me. He tightened his grip on me and so did i. We walked back into my room that isn't too far from the door. I pulled back, looking at him I could see his bulge peeking through his pants. He was ready and so was I, but I needed to tell him, I had to. I needed to prove her wrong.

I have to prove her wrong.

"I have something to tell you" I watched him stiffen up with a look of worry in his eyes. I put my hands up "It's not bad, it's just this, may or may not be my first time." his eyes got big like he couldn't believe the words that just came out.

"No. I'm sorry but I'm not doing this." he spoke as he put back on his shirt. "I'm to drunk for this, You're a very beautiful girl don't get me wrong, but I-I just can't I'm sorry." he brushed past me leaving out the door slamming it behind him. I couldn't do anything but chuckle to myself. Flopping back on my bed What the hell is wrong with people? Is it really that big of a deal?. I chuckle some more as i realize im back to square fucking one.

I was to drunk to get up and get pajamas so Instead I just took my pants off being left with only my underwear on because I never sleep with a shirt on. or a bra, it's more comfortable that way. I shifted around in my bed trying to get comfortable. I threw my leg over my body pillow for comfort but when I moved a certain way I could feel the pillow rub against my clit bringing a sensational feeling. The more I moved around the better it began to feel. I looked down as I uncontrollably began to move my hips around in a circular motion. A soft moan escaped my lips as my underwear got shifted to the side making my lips touch the fabric. I decided to take them off, because for some reason it felt better that way. I climbed on top, adjusting the pillow underneath me. I closed my eyes letting my imagination consume me. I opened my eyes as I looked down, it was her and I was riding her face. I liked this view because all she could do was stare up at me with Her seductive green eyes. I rocked my hips back and fourth slowly as she stared into my soul. I could hear smacking noises as my clit rubbed against the pillow. Another long sensual moan left my lips as I started to pick up the pace grinding harder and faster. I could feel her imaginary hands on my ass moving me up and down. She feels so-"goood,'' my thoughts slipping off my tongue. I looked down at the small puddle forming underneath me I couldn't believe how wet I was. "Fuck" i let out as i could feel everything begin to tingle. i leaned down as my arms began to get weak. I felt every sensitive part of my body go straight to one area. I laid there twitching letting the light touch of the pillow alone finish me off.